Chapter – 18
“Why did you kill him?”
“He annoyed me. I just tried to push him aside, but he died. That easily.”
Siderion said that while staring blankly at his own hand.
Was it just my imagination, or did his yellow eyes seem to waver?
“…Did you do it on purpose?”
“Does that matter?”
I knew the truth. Siderion hadn’t done it on purpose.
But from now on, there would probably be more days when he would do it on purpose.
Even so, I wanted to ask.
I knew this question went directly against my resolve to stop caring about him—but still.
“You didn’t do it on purpose. So why do you say it like that?”
Maybe… maybe I wanted to confirm something from him.
Something like the last bit of humanity he might still have.
“Shut up. If you annoy me too, I might kill you.”
At that moment, his yellow gaze was slowly swallowed by something like fire, and suddenly my whole body felt crushed.
My breath stopped completely.
My body began to tremble on its own.
I had thought that someday Siderion might kill me—but I never imagined it would be this sudden…!
My throat felt tighter and tighter.
For a moment, I honestly thought I might die like this.
‘Did I push him too far…?’
If I had just stayed quiet, this wouldn’t have happened.
Regret came rushing in too late.
“I—I…!”
As he watched me trembling, Siderion withdrew his power, and at the same time, I could breathe again.
“Cough! Cough!”
While I coughed like someone who had truly been strangled, Siderion glared at me, then turned away.
“So don’t bother me.”
The moment his presence completely disappeared, I collapsed onto the floor.
My entire body was shaking.
The first thing that flooded me was relief.
I—I lived.
‘But… is this really okay?’
Just because I survived now didn’t mean I would survive later.
I stared at my trembling hands.
I had been this scared by a twelve-year-old kid.
If he grew up more and came for me later… I wouldn’t be able to handle it.
If that happened, I would regret this moment for the rest of my life.
I pressed my hand against the ground and stood up.
‘My golden life! My cozy future as a lazy freeloader!’
“W-Wait!”
I forced my shaky legs to move and ran after him.
The whole time, my legs felt like they might give out any second—but I kept going.
Luckily, Siderion hadn’t gone far.
Even with my short, clumsy steps, I managed to catch up.
Even though I was terrified, I straightened my back and didn’t take my eyes off him.
I couldn’t explain why, but I felt it clearly—if I looked away now, I’d never get another chance to talk to him.
I swallowed hard and opened my mouth.
My lips were trembling like an idiot.
“I—I still haven’t heard it. And what does you being a monster have to do with dying anyway?!”
Siderion looked genuinely dumbfounded.
“Are you really that stupid?”
I had never been called stupid in my past life or this one.
So that hit me a little—but I ignored it and changed the subject.
“Whatever. Why are you going to die?”
“….”
“You still haven’t said.”
I had to hear the reason.
Only then could I move on to the next topic.
At my words, Siderion let out a deep sigh.
“There’s no need to explain. It’s obvious. Is there any reason for a monster to keep living?”
“…What do you mean by that?”
“People hate monsters, right? I don’t want to live pathetically while being rejected. There’s no reason to.”
“So… you’re trying to die because of that?”
The way Siderion talked about his own death so calmly—and the reason itself—were both impossible for me to understand.
“Why? Is it boring?”
“Yes! It is boring! There are so many people who desperately want to live, so isn’t it strange to want to die for such a reason?!”
People like me. Just like me.
Siderion tilted his head, as if he couldn’t understand my reaction at all.
“What do other people have to do with me?”
“…It was just an example! Anyway, a human life is important—”
My voice gradually faded.
Suddenly, the whole situation felt ridiculous.
Here I was, lecturing someone not to die—someone who could kill me at any moment.
It was absurd.
When I fell silent, he continued.
“I can’t feel emotions like other people.”
“……”
He looked down at his hand, then back at me.
Just like he said, even though he was talking about something sad, his face wasn’t sad at all.
It was dry.
Like he was talking about someone else.
It felt unnatural.
“People call someone like me a monster. Just like they say, I probably won’t ever understand others until I die. But I don’t really want to understand them, and I don’t feel like living any longer either.”
Siderion was only thirteen years old.
What kind of life would make a thirteen-year-old say something like that?
If he really was an emotionless monster, then maybe it made sense that he couldn’t understand others.
But hearing it from others and hearing it from his own mouth were different.
That difference made me feel strange.
I wanted to argue with him somehow.
Maybe then, this uncomfortable feeling would go away.
“…How can you be so sure everyone will think that way?”
“Then let me ask you. Have you never thought of me as a monster?”
At that question, ridiculously enough, I was left speechless.
“Weren’t you the one who wanted to divorce me because you thought I was a monster?”
That wasn’t the exact reason—but it wasn’t that different either.
“Th-That’s…!”
I clenched my fists.
I couldn’t honestly say it wasn’t true.
His words were painfully accurate.
I couldn’t even think of a weak excuse to argue back.
Right.
I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, so I stared down at my shoes instead.
The pink heels Mary had recommended because they were cute came into view.
I fidgeted with them for no reason.
‘Did I really think of Siderion as a monster?’
It was a question I had never asked myself before.
Honestly, I had never thought deeply about him at all.
To begin with, I didn’t really know Siderion.
Everything I knew about him came from the book.
And even that was from the female lead’s point of view.
In the novel, he was described as an emotionless monster.
So I thought the same.
A psychopath. A monster without emotions.
Common, overused settings.
Those backgrounds existed only to make him obsess over the female lead.
The tragic past or growth of a second male lead wasn’t something I cared about.
I never liked second male leads in the first place.
I never thought deeply about novels.
If the story said something, I just accepted it.
If the novel described him that way, then that became my belief too.
The female lead thought of Siderion as a monster, so naturally, I did as well.
There was no need to think otherwise.
That was all he was to me.
Today was the first time I had ever truly talked to Siderion.
And I heard a little of his story.
It was just a short conversation.
But even so, I felt he was very different from the Siderion I thought I knew.
I raised my head.
And a question formed.
Was he really an emotionless monster?
If that were true—
‘Then why is he crying right now?’
The person standing in front of me now didn’t look like the monster who had just strangled me.
He looked like a normal child.
Without realizing it, I stepped closer and reached out to his cheek.
Something wet touched the back of my hand.
Tears.
My mouth moved on its own.
“Look. What kind of monster cries?”
“…This is—”
“Maybe… you’re not a monster like you think you are.”
The words left my mouth first.
Only a moment later did I realize they were my true thoughts.
“Then what am I?”
Siderion looked like a lost child.
Not a monster—but just a child who didn’t know where to go.
“Sion.”
That was what the female lead called him.
For a moment, I wondered if I was allowed to say that name so casually.
But for some reason, it felt okay.
His eyes widened.
“So don’t live as a monster. Live as Sion.”
“…What does that even mean?”
“How would I know? How would I know your life?”
There was only one thing I knew.
He would meet the female lead, fall in love, and be abandoned in the end.
Oh. One more thing.
“At least I know this—you won’t die on the battlefield.”
For once, Siderion didn’t argue with me.
“…Really?”
“Yes. If you come back safely, I’ll take responsibility and divorce you.”
‘Ah… I said it.’
The next moment, Siderion grabbed my wrist.
“Why do you want to divorce me that badly?”
“…Huh? Well… it’s better for you.”
“What’s better about it?”
At his stupid question, I blinked.
After a short moment of thought, I barely managed to answer.
“…My family background is bad, I’m not smart, and most of all—you said I’m ugly! Ugly people can’t be Grand Duchesses!”
My poor life…
I can’t believe the day came when I had to say something like this out loud.
Honestly, part of me expected Siderion to argue back, even just a little.
But he kept his mouth shut.
Hey.
Getting a little annoyed, I suddenly leaned my face closer to his.
“Am I really that ugly? Ugly enough that I can’t even be a Grand Duchess?”
“…Of course.”
The slow, calm answer made a vein throb on my forehead.
It was the answer I wanted—but why did it feel so irritating?
I spoke firmly.
“Fine. Then make sure you come back and divorce me. An ugly Grand Duchess shouldn’t cling to the Grand Duchy forever.”
