Chapter 04
“Ha…”
A sigh escaped Casia’s lips.
If she had to choose the single worst thing from her ten years of marriage, it would undoubtedly be her marital relations with her husband. Not once had Casia ever experienced any joy from sharing a bed with him. From what the married maids often said, husband and wife did not sleep together solely to have children. But that certainly did not apply to the young couple of Greze Castle.
Jester was a man whose sex drive was impossible to figure out. She could never tell whether it was overwhelming or nonexistent.
The reason she suspected he had no desire at all was because, throughout their ten years of marriage, he had never once initiated intimacy himself. Of course, the same could be said of Casia. As a result, they only shared a bed on the designated nights arranged for them.
The entire act felt painfully obligatory. Just recalling it was enough to make her miserable, so Casia had long ago forced most of those memories out of her mind.
Yet it wasn’t as if Jester truly lacked desire.
The first reason Casia dreaded sleeping with him was that the act itself brought her no pleasure whatsoever. It was nothing but painful and exhausting. The second reason was that every single time Jester did sleep with her, he tormented her for an unbearably long time afterward. It was as though he suppressed all of his desires until that one occasion and released everything at once. On those appointed nights, Jester wasn’t a man—he was a beast.
Having had no experience before marriage, Casia had believed that all marital relations were naturally like that. Even when she was in pain or uncomfortable in bed, she simply endured it, assuming that was how it was supposed to be. It was only much later, after overhearing bits and pieces from other women, that she realized there had been something terribly wrong with their relationship.
But by then, it was already too late.
Her husband was less familiar to her than a stranger, and more awkward than anyone else living in the castle.
In other words, they were nowhere near close enough for her to suggest something like, “Could we be a little gentler and more affectionate with each other?”
So she had simply given up on trying to improve their intimate life. Since it only happened out of obligation on the scheduled nights anyway, she decided it wasn’t worth agonizing over.
Obligatory though it was, the relationship still produced results.
In the summer when she was nineteen, Casia became pregnant with their first child, Rael.
Jester’s reaction upon hearing the news had been truly unbelievable.
He had stared at her expressionlessly for a full ten minutes. Then, perhaps deciding he ought to say something to the wife who was clearly hoping for a few words of praise, he finally spoke.
“You’ve worked hard.”
That single sentence was enough to blow away what little affection she had left for him, like a handful of sand scattered before the wind.
The child wasn’t one she had conceived with another man. It was unquestionably the heir of House Greze, carrying his own blood. Couldn’t he have at least pretended to be happy?
‘Why did I ever expect anything from that man?’
Casia decided not to dwell on those suffocating memories any longer.
The important thing was this:
Her husband Jester, whose emotions were as dry as a squid left hanging over a fire, had never welcomed or cherished their children. To him, they were simply something that was nice to have but not necessary.
Even so, he faithfully came to her room whenever the scheduled nights arrived.
In the spring when she was twenty-two, she conceived their second child, Lucy.
Their coldhearted father, Jester, hadn’t even bothered naming either child.
Rael’s name had been chosen by Casia.
Lucy’s name had also been chosen by Casia.
Enough.
Casia shook her head firmly.
The more she reflected on the past, the more regret and anger filled her heart. All that remained were memories of her husband’s indifference.
Still, there was one reason she couldn’t simply march over to Jester and demand a divorce.
Rael and Lucy had not yet been born.
Until she gave birth to them once again, she couldn’t leave Jester.
That meant she had to remain in the Greze territory as the baron’s wife—and as Jester’s wife—until the spring when she turned twenty-two and became pregnant with Lucy.
Life…
Leaving the vanity, Casia trudged back toward the bed.
As she lay down, the mattress greeted her with a firmness she didn’t particularly like. When she had first arrived at Greze Castle, every little thing had felt inferior to Ruberno Castle, and it had taken her a long time to adapt. But after living here for over ten years, it had become more familiar than anywhere else.
She was exhausted.
No sooner had she closed her eyes than overwhelming fatigue swept over her.
She would sleep first.
After waking, she would think more carefully about how to spend this newly granted decade indulging herself however she pleased.
And if she happened to wake up properly in heaven instead, that would be even better.
With those thoughts drifting through her mind, Casia fell asleep for the first time since beginning her second life.
When she awoke, hell remained exactly the same.
With a calm expression, Casia got dressed.
Her plan for her second life was simple.
Having no plan was the plan.
She encountered Paul—whose face had become ten years younger—just as she left her room intending to find Jester.
Paul had been about to announce his presence, but stopped in surprise when the door opened before he could knock. Soon, he smiled warmly and bowed.
“My lady, I am Paul, the butler of Greze Castle. I was just coming to escort you around the castle and help you choose the maids who will attend you.”
A tour of the castle!
Now that she was the mistress of Greze Castle, there were naturally many things she was expected to learn.
She had to take over the management of the castle from Paul, greet all the servants, and accompany Jester on an inspection of the territory.
Casia frowned.
She had absolutely no intention of repeating all that hard work after turning back the clock by ten years.
It wasn’t even as though she would be learning something new. Every bit of that knowledge was already stored in her head.
“Let’s discuss that another time. Right now, I need to see the Baron.”
Paul wasn’t the type of person to force the issue, but just in case he insisted that the work couldn’t be postponed and dragged her around the castle, Casia hastened her pace.
Instinctively, she turned toward Jester’s room.
Paul’s gentle voice stopped her.
“Yes, my lady. Shall I guide you to where the lord is now?”
Come to think of it, she had only arrived at Greze Castle yesterday.
Aside from her own room, she had never explored the castle before.
How could she possibly know where Jester’s room was?
Turning around awkwardly, Casia smiled.
“Then I’d appreciate your help.”
“Certainly, my lady.”
Paul led the way in the direction she had been heading.
Since Jester spent so little time inside the castle, there were only a few places he usually stayed: his bedroom, his office, or the library.
Apparently he was in his office now.
When they reached the door, Paul bowed politely.
“Thank you.”
“It was my pleasure.”
Taking a deep breath, Casia opened the office door.
Jester was seated behind a desk piled high with paperwork, writing with a black quill. He looked up as the door opened.
Seeing the unexpected visitor, he froze for a moment.
“…What is it?”
Did husband and wife only seek each other out when something was wrong?
Internally clicking her tongue at his unchanged reaction, Casia wasn’t surprised.
Even in her previous life, every visit to Jester had begun exactly the same way.
Though, to be fair, she herself had only gone looking for him when she had business with him.
“Hoo…”
Casia believed that establishing dominance was important.
What she was about to say was hardly the sort of thing expected from a refined and elegant noblewoman.
Glancing around the office, she grabbed an old wooden chair standing nearby and dragged it across the floor.
Scrrrape.
The loud noise echoed through the room as she pulled it directly in front of Jester’s desk.
After positioning it, Casia dropped into the chair, crossed one leg over the other, folded her arms across her chest, and tilted her chin upward with open arrogance.
Jester stared at her in complete bewilderment.
“I have something to say.”
“…What?”
“The butler came to see me just now. Since I officially became the mistress of Greze Castle yesterday, I suppose I’ll be taking over the household management he’s been handling?”
Setting down the quill he’d been writing with, Jester looked at her seriously.
“I suppose so.”
“I’m sorry, but I have no talent for administration. Nor do I have any interest in it. If I were put in charge of running this castle, the Greze territory would go bankrupt before long. As you know, this wasn’t a marriage either of us prepared for, and I have no motivation whatsoever. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t expect me to fulfill the duties of the lady of the house.”
Casia spoke without the slightest hesitation.
In her previous life, no one had pressured her to perform her duties.
She had taken them upon herself.
Whenever Jester left the territory, she had effectively governed in his place.
She had been inexperienced at first, but she was naturally capable. She adapted quickly and worked tirelessly.
As a result, the people of the territory had eventually praised her as “the greatest lord.”
Yet none of that had mattered in the face of death.
Perhaps the incurable illness whose cause no one could identify had been the result of driving herself relentlessly day and night.
She would never live so foolishly again.
This time, she would live in a way that made herself happy and kept her healthy.
Even though Jester’s steady gaze made her a little nervous, Casia remained resolute.
“Does that displease you?”
“…No. Not at all. Do as you please.”
His hesitant answer caught her off guard.
Even in her previous life, Jester had never nagged her to work.
Still, she hadn’t expected him to accept so readily when she openly declared she had no intention of fulfilling her duties.
Noticing the faint look of confusion on his usually expressionless face, Casia added,
“Are you really sure? You can’t change your mind later. Though even if you do, I still have no intention of working…”
“It’s fine. I’m only surprised. You’re completely different from yesterday.”
“Ah.”
Casia nodded in understanding.
Yesterday, she had been the timid and frightened seventeen-year-old Casia who had just arrived in the Greze territory.
Now she was the twenty-seven-year-old Casia who had survived countless hardships.
Of course she seemed like a different person.
“So you were the kind of woman who could clearly say no when you disliked something. If that’s the case, you should have said so yesterday. There was no need to force yourself to spend the night with me.”
As he spoke, Jester picked up the pen he had set aside.
For some reason, there was the faintest trace of disappointment in his voice.
After silently considering his words for a moment, Casia replied,
“I think you’re misunderstanding something.”
Jester raised only his eyes to meet hers.
“I had no experience before. I didn’t know whether I’d like it or hate it. Before it happened, I didn’t know I would dislike it. It was only after experiencing it that I realized I hated it.”
Jester was left completely flustered by Casia’s brutally honest review of their wedding night.
