Chapter 03
To wake up only after the worst day had already passed.
If nothing else, she could have at least been sent back to the night before everything happened. If that had been the case, she would have smiled and gladly let him leave when he claimed his body would not cooperate and tried to abandon his bride on their very first night together.
Being gossiped about by the servants for being a bride who had failed to consummate her marriage on the first night was nothing to Kasia now. By the time she died, even the people of the territory knew that the relationship between the two of them had long since grown distant.
Damn that miserable god.
The lips of the refined noblewoman twitched viciously. Having been forced to manage the territory almost entirely on her own, Kasia had inevitably grown strong. The gentle, elegant personality she had possessed as a young noble lady had disappeared completely. Of course, she never let it show in front of others, but whenever she found herself in situations this infuriating, she would secretly curse under her breath to vent her anger.
“Let’s think this through.”
Kasia looked around her bedroom, which was small and unimpressive compared to the dazzling room she had once had at her family estate. Of course, it only seemed lacking when compared to Castle Ruberno. It was not as though Castle Greze itself was shabby. Even within the castle, Baroness Kasia’s bedroom was among the largest and most luxurious.
Climbing out of bed, she walked over to the dressing table and quietly stared at her reflection in the mirror.
Her flowing silver hair cascaded down to her waist, perfectly complementing her pale naked body. Her blue eyes, fixed on the mirror, resembled priceless sapphires and naturally drew the eye.
Despite her breathtaking beauty, Kasia felt nothing.
She had only appreciated her appearance when she was a young noble lady. Ever since coming to Greze Territory, it had come to feel more like a curse. Wasn’t her beauty, famous even in the capital, the very reason she had become a sacrificial pawn for the Emperor’s empty display of generosity?
In any case, as she looked at her astonishingly beautiful reflection, the only thing she realized was this.
She really had returned to the winter when she was seventeen.
Her youthful face, firm figure, and above all, the long hair flowing down her back proved it beyond doubt.
Before she died, her hair had been cut short.
Compared to ordinary noblewomen, who usually wore long hair adorned with extravagant ornaments, her hairstyle had been shockingly unconventional. The reason she had cut it would bring tears to her eyes if she tried to explain it from the beginning.
It had happened one month before she was diagnosed with a terminal illness.
Greze Territory suffered the worst famine in its history, and the people, whose livelihoods depended on farming, could do nothing but weep helplessly during what should have been the season of harvest.
Kasia did everything she could for them.
She pleaded with her husband, who hardly ever even spoke to her, to lower the taxes, and after finally receiving his permission, she secretly adjusted the following year’s castle budget to provide direct support to several families.
At that time, many women resorted to one desperate measure just to survive.
Selling their hair.
The neighboring Vische Viscounty had built a fortune through its wig business. It had become so prosperous that it would not have been an exaggeration to say that two-thirds of the ladies in the capital wore wigs made in Vische.
The Vische domain had even patented the business and monopolized the wig industry.
Since the business was booming, Vische spent enormous sums purchasing human hair to keep up with demand. The rarer the hair color or the finer the quality, the higher the price.
With no harvest and barely enough to eat, it was only natural that the women of Greze Territory began cutting off their hair to sell it to Vische.
Soon, short-haired women filled the territory.
But they were ashamed.
Short hair had become a symbol of poverty.
Heartbroken by this, their Baroness Kasia cut off her own hair to comfort them, hoping to ease their burden, even if only a little.
The Baroness, wearing the same short hairstyle as they did while tirelessly inspecting the territory, became the people’s pride and their idol.
Kasia had always been proud of her rare silver hair.
The only reason she had resolved to cut it was because she pitied the people she loved.
She was the complete opposite of Jester, who had no intention of taking meaningful action despite the worst famine in history and never once looked upon the suffering of his people.
There was a reason why the people followed Kasia instead of Jester, calling her “My Lord.”
“Back then…”
Running her fingers through her luxurious silver hair, Kasia let out a deep sigh.
That was hardly the only hardship she had endured after becoming the mistress of Greze Territory. Though everything she did had been for her people, many of those sacrifices had been painful.
Cutting off her cherished hair was only one example.
The famine would come again.
The women would once more cut off their hair.
And Kasia would surely cut hers as well to stand beside them.
How depressing.
Just imagining herself repeating that miserable life made her sigh again and again.
Then suddenly, her eyes widened.
“No… wait.”
“If I’m going to die in ten years anyway, why should I go through all that suffering again? Shouldn’t I just spend my life doing whatever I want, buying whatever I want, and eating whatever I want?”
If she had known nothing about the future, it would have been different.
But she already knew she would die at the age of twenty-seven.
If God truly wanted to torment her, then He would have erased all her memories and forced her to relive the exact same life.
Instead, she remembered every miserable moment.
“So leaving my memories intact while turning back time… that must mean I’m not supposed to live the same way!”
Kasia clapped her hands together as she finally understood God’s profound intention.
Many thoughts she had before her death resurfaced in her mind.
She had regretted never living for herself.
She had wondered whether she might have been happier if she had been just a little more selfish, a little more wicked.
Surely God had turned back time so she could live exactly as she wished.
“Then that’s exactly what I’ll do!”
Excitement welled up inside her.
The word “rebellion” had never existed in her previous life, so simply deciding to go astray filled her with a strange exhilaration.
She would become a wicked noblewoman.
She would indulge in luxury.
She would put off the duties expected of the lady of the castle.
What else…
As she thought about it, she realized there really were not that many wicked things for her to do.
Should she march over and throw a tantrum at her husband? Or curse him out?
No.
Not yet.
There had not been enough time for resentment to build up. From Jester’s perspective, it would simply seem absurd.
She shelved the idea.
As her thoughts drifted, she finally realized that everything she had been imagining was still confined to this territory, to her role as Baroness.
Her face suddenly brightened.
“Wait… why do I have to keep living with that man?”
She asked the seventeen-year-old Kasia reflected in the mirror.
The girl in the mirror shook her head.
The corners of her lips slowly curled upward, wearing an expression of unmistakable anticipation.
I’ll get a divorce.
That’s what I’ll do.
Their marriage had been forced by what was essentially an imperial command, but no one had ever ordered them to stay married forever.
If two people discovered they were incompatible, they could divorce.
Besides, Kasia had loathed Jester, while Jester had shown no interest in her whatsoever.
Perhaps divorce would not be all that difficult.
“Come to think of it, he never cared about me while I was alive. Yet when I was dying, he suddenly acted like he cared. Was he just worried people would criticize him if he ignored me until the very end?”
Believing he would not care whether she lived or died, she had never even told him she had been diagnosed with a terminal illness.
Yet somehow, on the day she died, Jester learned the truth.
He had come to her bedside, wearing a surprisingly empty expression.
His face had even looked convincingly sorrowful.
He had nodded when she listed her final requests, promising to grant every one of them.
Of course, she assumed he had only agreed because she was about to die anyway, and he would never actually have to fulfill them.
As for whether he had honored her final request—to sign the divorce papers…
Unfortunately, she had closed her eyes forever before finding out.
“If it’s the husband I know, he probably nodded without giving it much thought!”
Jester had neglected Kasia throughout their marriage.
It was not because he hated her.
Rather, it was as if he felt absolutely nothing toward her.
To Jester, Kasia was simply the person who managed the castle whenever he was away, the woman with whom he would produce an heir, his wife on paper.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
He had never been impressed by the prestige of her family.
Nor had he tried to use it for his own benefit.
Jester cared only about war and money.
Whether the woman beside him was a commoner or a noble, young or old, beautiful or plain, it made no difference to him.
He was simply a man whose emotions had completely dried up.
That was Jester Greze.
“I’ll ask him for a divorce!”
At the very least, she would bring it up.
There was no point worrying about how Jester might react.
In this new life, she had already decided to act boldly.
“If he agrees without much trouble, then I’ll return to Ruberno, eat, play, enjoy my youth to the fullest…”
As she imagined the happiest way to spend the ten years she had been given, the smile vanished from her face.
Certain faces suddenly appeared in her mind.
“Rael. Lucy.”
Good heavens.
How could she have forgotten the children?
The children had adored their mother, Kasia.
Considering that the man who was supposed to be their father had never truly acted like one, perhaps it was only natural.
Jester was rarely at the castle, and even when he was, he treated them with cold indifference.
In the end, the children, deprived of their father’s affection, had become deeply attached to their mother.
Even when she hired nannies, they would quickly grow upset and refuse to adjust, leaving Kasia to shoulder the burden of raising them herself.
It would be unfair to say the children had not added to the hardships of her previous life.
Even so, she had never minded.
Unlike Jester and certain other scoundrels, her children had been precious.
She was confident she would have loved them no matter what.
She cherished the son and daughter she had carried and given birth to more than anything.
“But… if I get divorced?”
The strength drained from her body.
If she divorced Jester, then naturally, Rael and Lucy would never be born.
That prospect was even more unbearable than reliving those exhausting ten years all over again.
“My son and daughter have to be born somehow.”
They did not exist yet in this timeline.
But how could she knowingly erase them from existence when her memories of them remained so vivid?
They had originally been meant to be born and live their own lives.
She could not simply deny them existence because she did not want to suffer through those ten years again.
“Then… if I want to see Rael and Lucy again…”
Kasia stood there in despair.
If she wanted her children to be born, then no matter how hard she tried on her own, it would never be enough.
