Prologue
“I’m leaving.”
“…Rayleigh.”
If you had loved me even once, it wouldn’t have been this miserable.
Even in this very moment, standing face to face with him, she felt suffocated.
She knew. She knew that he loved another woman, and that he thought of her as nothing more than a woman meant to bear a child to carry on his family line.
Rayleigh thought it would be enough if Theo would just stay by her side.
How foolish. How stupid.
Even when he finally began to look at her after she became pregnant, Rayleigh still didn’t realize it.
Love.
How many precious things had she lost, ensnared by the invisible illusion called love? If he had truly loved her, this could never have happened.
Perhaps it had been a mistake from the very beginning.
She, who covered her eyes and clung to his hand believing only what she wanted to see in order to run away—and he, who deceived himself and fabricated emotions for the sake of his family’s power.
Still, she wanted to believe.
Wouldn’t things change? Wouldn’t he come back to her?
Just as he once whispered that he loved her, wouldn’t he smile gently and hold her again? Even if they couldn’t return to the past, they were still family.
She believed nothing would change.
But her desperate wish was not granted. Their fragile, precarious relationship was nothing more than a struggle to keep from falling off a rope that had already begun to rot.
And when it finally snapped and plunged to the ground, the only one who fell was her.
The child she had carried in her womb—her only hope and refuge—Rayleigh’s child had died. The memory of feeling the baby still kicking in her belly flooded her with grief.
That warmth, the warmth they had shared, was something no one else could know. Only she had felt it.
Slowly, Rayleigh stroked her stomach, now empty, with nothing left inside.
I’m sorry, my baby. I’m sorry for sending you away before you could even be born. I’m sorry.
She squeezed her eyes shut. She tried to imagine the baby’s cry she would never hear, the smiling face, the small hand holding hers—but she couldn’t picture any of it.
“The child… it was something we didn’t expect.”
Didn’t expect it…
Rayleigh felt an empty laugh rise again and again. Even standing here now, facing Theo as he moved his lips in front of her, felt like torture.
“Was that child only mine…?”
Her calm expression and emotionless tone dragged Rayleigh down into endless despair.
Yes—if only the child had truly been mine alone. Then I wouldn’t have to worry that my child who left my arms might somehow hear this.
Seeing the hardness in Rayleigh’s gaze, Theo hurriedly tried to explain.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“That woman… when the woman you love pushed me down the stairs…”
You didn’t see it. The confusion on her face, the shock—and the joy.
No matter how much she spoke, Theo didn’t listen. And now, even if the truth came out, what use would it be?
Leaving would be enough.
Theo still frowned at Rayleigh. His patience had never been very long.
No—did he even have patience to begin with? He spent every night with his mistress, until she ended up carrying his child.
“It was an accident. There’s no way she did it on purpose.”
“It was our child. My child—your child! They died… I still feel like the baby is alive inside me.”
The anger and despair she had been holding back surged over her again.
Wasn’t it enough for her alone to disappear? Why wouldn’t he let her go?
Do you really not understand? No—you know exactly what he’s thinking.
Theo still hadn’t given up.
The look in his eyes as he stared at Rayleigh sent chills down her spine. There was no guilt, not even a trace of sorrow. She was exhausted from curling up every night, struggling just to fall asleep.
In this mansion, no one but her mourned the loss of the child.
It was as if the pregnancy had never existed. As if the child had never existed at all.
“Rayleigh, I understand how you feel. But you can’t suddenly say you want a divorce like this.”
You can always have another child.
Even if she can’t, for now, I have to keep her here somehow.
He lied without blinking.
At Theo’s words, Rayleigh’s tightly clenched fists trembled. She didn’t want to stay in the same space anymore. It was a relationship that would end if only she were let go.
He said he wouldn’t release her, even though he didn’t love her. Simply because she was the daughter of the powerful Trila family—because of his reputation and power.
Theo had Anna live not far from his own estate.
When he visited her daily, shared love with her, and even brought her in front of Rayleigh to exchange greetings, Rayleigh covered her eyes and deceived herself, unable to let him go.
It won’t last long. I’m the mistress of the house—she won’t be able to threaten my position.
But that hollow hope never came true, not after a month, not after a year. Anna paid little attention to Rayleigh.
Because she knew she held the upper hand here.
However, when Rayleigh became pregnant with Theo’s child, Anna began to sense the situation shifting.
Something Anna could never have—the child with Theo, and the position of duchess.
Was it from then on that the food began to taste strange? Before long, Rayleigh suffered bouts of nausea and nearly lost the baby.
After that day, she realized something was wrong.
At this rate, both my child and I are in danger.
The longer Rayleigh watched Anna, the more she felt herself being eaten away.
She began eating only after watching the entire process of meal preparation each day.
She had suspicions, but no proof. Theo didn’t listen to her, and in this place she was nothing more than a duchess in name only.
Until Anna pushed her down the stairs, Rayleigh thought it would be enough if she alone were careful.
When Anna grabbed and pulled her to kill the child she carried, Rayleigh finally realized how foolishly she had been living.
If only she had escaped from this place sooner…
Guilt tightened around her chest, stealing her breath.
She stepped back from Theo as he grabbed her hand, forcing her expression to steady. Just the brush of his fingertips made nausea rise.
“I hope you’re happy with that woman you love—the one who will bear your child. I hope that place is hell… even though…”
Her anger leaked out through clenched teeth.
The grinding sound revealed how tightly she was suppressing her emotions.
“Rayleigh, why are you acting like this now?”
“Isn’t it fortunate that I’m getting out, at least now?”
Theo bit down on his lip. There was no reasoning with her.
Damn it—this wasn’t part of the plan.
Rayleigh could almost hear the gears turning in Theo’s head. She gave him a faint smile and looked down at him with contempt.
“You’re holding on to me like this because I’m the daughter of the Trila family, aren’t you? The woman you love is a minor noble with nothing to her name.”
“Rayleigh!”
She hadn’t told her family because she knew nothing would change. Would it have been better if she had simply run away?
Why had she clung to an illusion she wanted to believe in, enduring misery for it?
She hadn’t told her family because they were no different. Honor, reputation, the eyes of society—there was nothing to be gained by letting her father know.
So now, at last, she chose to escape him. From the emotions that had devoured her, from the man who had caused her to lose her child.
To erase the horrific life she had lived in this place.
“So divorce me. I’ll leave this place.”
“That’s absurd.”
“What happened to me here—does that make sense?”
“Rayleigh.”
Theo’s face twisted violently. Only when the word “divorce” was spoken did his expression finally change, and Rayleigh let out a bitter laugh.
For myself—and for my child who left because of foolish me.
“Let’s never see each other again.”
She shook off Theo’s hand as he reached for her and climbed into the carriage that had been prepared.
No more tears came. As she stared out the window, a pattern appeared at her throat, prickling painfully.
“Are you sure about this? If you use your ability, they’ll notice.”
With a low voice, the figure of a long-haired man appeared across from Rayleigh.
“It’s fine. I knew I couldn’t hide it forever anyway.”
“…”
“Please let me live as myself.”
“…Very well. If that’s what you want.”
With a single touch of the man’s hand, Rayleigh’s silver hair turned black.
Her vision darkened, and a dull pain bloomed in her heart. As Rayleigh quietly closed her eyes, tears slid down her cheeks.
Without even knowing why she was crying.
