Chapter 20
Elizabeth was dragged away in an instant, startled as she looked up at Kiern. His expression was ice-cold.
He pressed her hand against the wall. Not wanting him to see how swollen and wrinkled her hand had become, she clenched her fist tightly.
“…Ha.”
As if even that displeased him, Kiern curled one corner of his lips—something between a scoff and a sigh.
The distance between them was dangerously close. Elizabeth’s heart pounded as though it might burst.
She was furious that her heart still raced for the man who had trampled on her feelings—even while knowing them. And yet, at the same time, she couldn’t bear how pitiful and sorrowful he seemed.
It hurt that she had unknowingly become his enemy… that even the sight of her face caused him pain.
“Let go.”
Elizabeth twisted her wrist, trying to pull away. But that only seemed to provoke him further.
“No.”
He forced her hand open and laced his fingers tightly with hers.
Her fingers, unable to resist his grip, spread apart—revealing the wrinkled skin beneath.
His gaze traced over the creases as if inspecting them. He lifted her hand closer to his eyes and spoke.
“So this is your answer to what I said about not running away? Lying just to meet another man?”
There was an unidentifiable anger in his eyes.
He looked nothing like the man who had worn a calm smile throughout dinner.
His grip tightened, as though he might crush her hand. Her cold fingers, chilled by water, grew lukewarm under his heat.
“I’m not running away.”
Elizabeth spoke quietly. Though she had resolved to say this all along, her voice still trembled at the end—like a fool.
“Not running away?”
“I’m trying to leave. Because I found out everything.”
“Everything?”
“Yes. About my mother and the Duke… all of it.”
“So you’re going to marry another man and leave? That’s your way of asking for forgiveness?”
Kiern tightened his grip and stepped closer—so close their breaths nearly touched.
“I told you before. Until I allow it, you’re not taking a single step away from my side.”
His burning gaze looked as if it might devour her whole.
Elizabeth felt a sudden chill of fear. Her body trembled like prey about to be swallowed.
“Don’t do this.”
“If you know everything, then you should know too—I’m not the kind of gentleman who’ll just let you and your mother walk away.”
“……”
“If you want forgiveness, you should be crying and begging in front of me. Begging. Isn’t that right, Ellie?”
His words were like thorns, piercing her mercilessly.
And yet, she couldn’t pull them out—because he seemed too pitiful.
It felt as though his unresolved anger and desire for revenge were destroying him. The weight of pride, honor, and power surrounding him seemed to be making him weaker, not stronger.
If only he had exposed everything the moment he found out.
If only he had simply cast her and Stella into ruin.
At least then, he wouldn’t be suffering like this.
Not knowing what to do with this pitiful man, her heart ached.
With her free hand, Elizabeth gently cupped his cheek.
He flinched.
“Kiern… stop acting like a bad person. Why are you making things harder for yourself?”
“You’re wrong. I’ve always been like this. Haven’t you heard? Like father, like son.”
Kiern muttered bitterly, shaking her hand away—as if even her touch disgusted him.
At the same time, he released the hand he had been gripping so tightly.
Pretending not to be hurt, Elizabeth steadied herself and spoke.
“This is right. From the beginning, my mother and I shouldn’t have lived in that castle. We received too much… and still committed a terrible wrong.”
“What’s the point of that now? The dead don’t come back. What’s the point of any of that?”
His anger-filled blue eyes suddenly softened with sorrow.
Elizabeth looked at him quietly.
He was right. The Duchess would never return.
And it was her mother, Stella—and his father, the Duke—who had caused it.
To Elizabeth, it didn’t matter who was more at fault. Neither could be excused.
And as their children, both she and Kiern could never escape the consequences of that sin.
If she left, she would surely miss those eyes someday.
In the sky, in rivers, in flowers blooming in fields—she would see that same shade of blue everywhere.
And she would think of him each time.
That blue was everywhere. She would never be able to forget Kiern.
But she didn’t want to ruin him any further.
As much as she pitied the broken man before her, she missed the warm, kind boy he once was.
“Kiern… I’ll always wish for your happiness. I can’t repay everything I owe to the Duchess, but I’ll try. I’ll donate every month in her name and spend my life repenting for my mother’s sins.”
“……”
“I mean it. I talked things over with my mother too. We’re planning to leave in about a month.”
“Stella agreed to that?”
“Yes.”
“I doubt it. From what I see, that woman wouldn’t give up her current wealth and status so easily. If she would have, she’d have done it long ago.”
He clearly didn’t believe her.
And it was understandable. What hurt was that she herself had been too foolish to earn even this much trust from him.
Pleading, Elizabeth spoke softly.
“What parent would refuse their daughter when she’s begging in tears? She agreed. So please… just trust me this once. Please, Kiern.”
At her words, Kiern felt hollow.
Just moments ago, he had been furious at the man trying to get close to her.
Now, he was angry at Elizabeth—who was ready to leave him without hesitation.
At the same time, he felt the urge to force her to stay, clenching his fist tightly.
The pain of his not-yet-healed wound splitting open again throbbed—but he ignored it.
That pain only made him more irritated, reminding him of how troubled Elizabeth had looked at the previous gathering.
“…So you’re saying you’ll take responsibility for everything and leave?”
“Yes. I will. I’m sorry for learning the truth so late, Kiern. I’ll fix it now, even if it’s late.”
“Fix it? What exactly?”
At his cold tone, Elizabeth fiddled with her trembling fingers. His gaze remained fixed on them.
“…Please forget what I confessed that day. As if it never happened.”
So that’s what she meant by “fixing it.”
To her, everything must be so easy.
Kiern swallowed his twisted emotions and repeated,
“Forget it?”
“Yes. Please. Forget it.”
Her soft voice, lacking any rise or fall, sounded almost cruel in its calmness.
Since that day, Kiern had thought about it over and over again.
He tried not to—but her confession filled his mind, leaving him restless.
At the same time, his mother’s last words and Stella’s image tangled together, leaving his thoughts in chaos.
It felt like his mind was submerged in black ink—so full it was empty.
No matter how he struggled, he couldn’t escape that dark sea.
He only sank deeper, as if he might suffocate at any moment.
Not understanding Elizabeth’s intentions tormented him.
Sometimes, he wanted to pretend he didn’t know anything at all.
If their relationship was already broken, instead of letting her escape, he wanted to destroy it—lock her away.
Yes… he wanted to.
He wanted to trample that innocent face until it was soaked in tears—drag her into his dark sea so she would struggle alongside him.
Kiern let out a hollow laugh.
What was he even thinking?
Was he any different from his father like this?
Perhaps it would be better to let her go—before he became even more broken, before he turned into a worse man.
And yet… he couldn’t stand the words she spoke.
To Elizabeth, things seemed so simple. If she said forget, it could be forgotten. If she said it never happened, then it was as if it never had.
But Kiern was different.
That day—the day he first became aware of her—was still vivid.
The day he looked at her without knowing his mother was dying.
The sight of her, drenched in water, smiling beautifully—
it remained like a thorn, aching in his chest.
Kiern stared at her wrinkled fingers.
At some point, Elizabeth had developed a habit of immersing herself in water—her hands, her body.
And every time he saw her like that, he wavered.
Whenever he saw her drenched like that day, his heart pounded wildly.
Even though her expression now was completely different, that memory overlapped, driving him mad.
That day—one that would never return—kept haunting him.
If only he had known nothing, like her… perhaps he wouldn’t feel this miserable.
Why did she keep soaking herself—
why did she keep shaking him like this?
“…Do whatever you want.”
Kiern turned away, wanting to leave.
If he stayed any longer, he felt he might do something dangerous.
If he kept looking at her face, he might want to destroy her innocence completely.
He might actually act on the urge to ruin her.
Kiern hated Elizabeth—for resembling Stella.
He hated that, despite that, he still wanted to keep her by his side.
Elizabeth quietly followed behind him.
Keeping just enough distance—as if that was the right place for her.
And that, too, drove him mad.
So Kiern quickened his pace.
