Chapter – 32
Ji-an’s hair had been cut very short like a boy’s because of an accident where chewing gum from a friend got stuck in her hair.
On top of that, she had caught an eye infection that was going around, so she had to wear an eye patch over one eye.
‘Today is Mom’s first memorial day… My hair looks like a boy’s, and even my eye looks like this… I’m not pretty at all… Will Mom hate me even more…?’
Ji-an felt even more depressed and miserable.
Father and daughter walked together toward the columbarium.
In front of Seo-young’s urn, Pil-beom placed white lilies and closed his eyes in silent prayer.
‘…Dad.’
The face of her father, who had always been strong, looked different today.
The sound of him crying alone on Mom’s birthday echoed in her ears, and his face now seemed filled with sadness.
That Mom was not beside Dad but in a place like this.
That Dad was sad.
‘It’s all my fault…’
Ji-an barely held back the tears about to burst out, and slipped out of the columbarium building while Pil-beom had his eyes closed.
Walking aimlessly, Ji-an crouched down beside the stream next to the columbarium.
Her reflection appeared on the frozen edge of the water surface.
It was a face that looked like it would burst into tears if touched lightly.
“Sniff…! Waaa…!”
In the end, Ji-an burst into the tears she had been holding back.
She buried her face in her knees, crying so hard that the eye patch on one side became soaked.
“What’s this? Why are you crying like you’re going to drive people out of the columbarium?”
A man’s voice came from behind.
Startled, Ji-an turned around.
Her vision, blurred by tears, cleared after she blinked a few times.
In her sight appeared a tall man wearing a neat black suit—even in this situation, he was shockingly handsome.
“Something sad happening inside the stream? Did a fish family get separated or something?”
He came and sat down beside her with a thud and asked.
Ji-an shook her head while hiccupping.
“Then what happened that you’re crying so sadly like your country was taken away, kid?”
The handsome man asked with a faint smile.
When he smiled, his face looked even more amazing.
If a prince from a fairy tale really existed, he might have looked like this.
“If you’re okay with it, tell me.”
He was kind like a prince. He said he would willingly listen to her pain.
Ji-an, who had lost her guard, moved her lips hesitantly and finally poured out her heart.
“About a year ago… my mom… died.”
“…This is a place where people who lost someone precious come, right?”
“So am I,” he muttered softly at the end, but Ji-an couldn’t hear it.
“But… it was my fault.”
“Your fault?”
The man asked back, frowning seriously.
Ji-an nodded while sobbing.
Things she heard in the hospital before her mother died.
Things she wanted to know but couldn’t ask.
And even the words her father muttered while crying on Mom’s birthday after Mom died.
Ji-an told him everything.
“Dad also regrets it… and Mom in heaven must be regretting it too… Regretting giving birth to me… If they hadn’t had me, Mom and Dad would have been happier…”
Ji-an cried as she mumbled.
Maybe she shouldn’t have said it.
She had confided in this man because her chest felt like it was about to burst.
But after speaking, she felt like this man would hate her too. Like he would say she was a bad child.
The man, who had been worrying her, spoke in an angry voice.
“Are you stupid? Regret is something you feel only when you make a mistake. Do you want to turn your mother into a fool who regrets giving birth to you by mistake?”
“Eh, wha—? M-My mom isn’t a fool…! My mom was a genius…! She was really good at painting too…”
“You’re the one making that genius mother into a fool right now.”
“M—me…?”
Ji-an’s teary eyes widened.
“Medicine has developed so much these days. You’re young, so you might not know, but especially our country is one of the world’s top medical powerhouses! There are tons of foreigners who want to get treated here!”
“Wow… Is our country that amazing?”
Ji-an’s lips slightly parted.
“So your mom would have known she might be at risk even before giving birth to you. And not just known—she could have chosen to not have you. I said it. Medicine is really advanced.”
“Uh… yes…”
Overwhelmed by the handsome man’s momentum, Ji-an nodded without realizing it.
“So your mom didn’t give birth to you because she had no choice after getting pregnant. She knew everything, even that she could avoid giving birth to you, but she still had you. Why do you think that is?”
“Uh… um… that’s…”
“Do you need that much time to think? Why else? Because she loved you, you slowpoke!”
He gave the answer before Ji-an could think.
Ji-an felt like she had been hit on the back of the head by the words of the handsome, smart—but quick-tempered—older brother.
It was a moment of change in her thinking.
‘Mom will surely regret having me because she died after giving birth to me. Mom will hate me.’
That belief.
Turned instantly into its opposite.
‘Mom was willing to risk death to give birth to me, so she must have loved me very much.’
In an instant.
“Did your dad say he regretted it? Since your mom passed away, he might have said something he didn’t really mean because he was sad at that moment. Even adults are like that.”
“Re… really?”
“If he really regretted and hated you, he would have abandoned you. But look. Evidence. Did your dad kick you out of the house? Did he not feed you? Of course not. He must have taken you home and made sure you slept and ate well.”
“Uh-huh…”
Ji-an could only nod again.
Her father never let her go hungry; recently, since she wasn’t eating well, he even took her to the hospital.
The hospital was scary, but it was a place that healed the sick. That was why Mom, who was sick, was also in the hospital.
If Dad really hated her, he wouldn’t have taken her to the hospital.
“You said your dad cried alone when no one was around, right? If he really hated you, he would have cried in front of you to make you feel guilty for being a bad child.”
In reality, after hearing her father cry by chance, her heart hurt a million times more than before.
So this man’s words were probably right again.
“How is it? Can you refute what I said?”
Ji-an quietly shook her head.
It was a parade of correct arguments.
At some point, her tears had dried up.
The man smiled broadly.
Right? You think everything I said is correct too, don’t you?
His face, as if saying so, shone brilliantly like the sun.
“So don’t think useless thoughts and get along well with your dad.”
The man patted Ji-an’s short hair.
His touch was very gentle and kind.
Warmth slowly bloomed in Ji-an’s cold heart.
“Cha Yugeon! What are you doing there? Let’s go already! Grandma is waiting!”
Someone shouted from far away.
“Yes, Father! I’m coming!”
The man jumped to his feet.
“Then I’m leaving. Don’t dig holes in the ground alone. Live well.”
Ji-an couldn’t take her eyes off his departing back.
“Cha Yugeon…”
Ji-an murmured his name quietly.
She wished he wouldn’t leave, but she couldn’t hold him back.
In the end, he soon got into a car and left.
Feeling lost, Ji-an looked at the stream again.
‘Even with one eye, he was handsome. If I had seen him with both eyes, how much more handsome would he have been…?’
I should have lifted the eye patch and taken a look.
The only thing she learned about the older brother was his name, Cha Yugeon.
She didn’t know where he lived or which school he attended.
So… will I never see him again?
“Never… see him again?”
Ji-an thought in regret.
“Ji-an!”
At that moment, an all-too-familiar voice was heard from far away. It was Dad’s voice.
Ji-an jumped up, and Pil-beom, with a pale face, ran toward her in a hurry after finding her.
“What if you disappear without saying a word! Huh? I thought you were gone, and I was“How much…!”
Her father bent down, his eyes red.
Just like at Mom’s funeral.
