SMBM 16

Chapter : 16

An Affair That’s Not an Affair (1)

Yuna still looked confused. She kept trying to speak, then falling silent, lost in thought.

“Yuna. I’m fine.”

Chaekyung gave her a faint smile. She already knew what Yuna wanted to say, so she said it was nothing.

“Nothing, my foot. Geez.”

Yuna sighed first.
She was the only person who knew Chaekyung’s guilt.

Even Chaekyung’s mother, Miyoung, didn’t know the feelings she carried — but Yuna did.

She remembered what her college friends used to say.

Chaekyung sat with three college friends, all nodding and saying the same thing.

“There aren’t many guys like Junheon out there. A woman should date a man who loves her more, you know.”

“Exactly. Looks, education, family — where would you find a guy like him? You’ll live your life hearing ‘Doctor’s wife’.”

“You know girls confess to him even while he’s dating you, right? Hold onto him. No one will understand you or take care of you like he does.”

Whenever she heard them, that one–sided devotion felt burdensome to Chaekyung.

She had grown up hearing her mother say over and over — until her ears practically fell off — that men should love women more, and that if the man liked you and had ability, you should marry him.
Her mother, Miyoung, had raised her alone.

And Chaekyung agreed.
He was more delicate and considerate than she was, his love overflowing. She wasn’t confident she could meet another man like him if they broke up.

“I know.”

But her feelings swung back like a boomerang.
She loved and trusted Junheon, but it wasn’t a sweeping, legendary love — nothing close to I’d die without him.
His death left her with guilt — that she somehow caused it — and regret that she hadn’t treated him better.
Every year on the anniversary, she honored him.
People called her foolish for not letting go, but if she didn’t do at least that much, she felt she wouldn’t be able to bear it.

The guilt piled up, and it changed her.

Chaekyung came back from her thoughts at Yuna’s voice.

“You still haven’t shaken off that guilt toward him.”

“……”

Chaekyung just stared at the dishes on the table.

“To him, you were everything — but honestly, he wasn’t everything to you.”

“That’s why I’m a horrible person. I thought if a man loved me more than I loved him, that was enough to spend my life with him. You know that. And that alone was a sin to him.”

“How is that a sin! If people could always return feelings in equal measure, how great would that be? But hearts don’t work like the mind.”

Yuna was right.

The guilt of not returning the love she received.
A weight she wasn’t responsible for — but felt deeply responsible for anyway.

And now, feeling shaken by Kangwoo — a man who looked exactly like Junheon — felt even worse.

“Yuna.”

“Yeah.”

Yuna straightened her posture.

“You… you’re hiding something, aren’t you? Right?”

All the years by her side had made Yuna perceptive.
Chaekyung hesitated, and Yuna grew impatient.

“Hurry up and say it. If I find out later, I swear I’ll be furious.”

“I… whenever I see the vice president, my heart flutters. Is it because of Junheon? What’s wrong with me?”

Yuna was already on her third cup of sake.

She set down her glass and asked seriously.

“Didn’t you say you never felt butterflies with Junheon?”

“Well, he was always by my side — comfortable, familiar — that kind of thing.”

“No. You just felt comfortable with him. Now speak honestly.”

Yuna crossed her arms, expression hardening.

“Why are you scary suddenly…”

“Have you had any contact with him? I mean physical contact — like skinship or whatever.”

She waved a hand dismissively, not really expecting anything — but Chaekyung’s silence made her lean forward. Under the table light, Yuna’s face looked even brighter.

“……”

“Min Chaekyung. You! Spit it out!”

Chaekyung pressed her lips shut, glanced around, and lowered her voice.

“I… slept with him.”

Yuna froze, eyes wide, hand clamping over her mouth as she stared at Chaekyung.

Only the restaurant music and chatter filled the silence for a long while.
Chaekyung had never been committed to staying pure until marriage or anything — she just hadn’t cared much about sex, and she’d never wanted to with Junheon even when they were dating.

“He keeps coming onto me. And… like an idiot, I can’t push him away.”

“Min Chaekyung…”

“I know. I’m insane.”

Chaekyung bit her lip, downed more sake, and grimaced.

“I’ve known you since high school. The only man in your life was Junheon. I’ve never once seen you interested in another man or worrying over one. You didn’t even agonize over Junheon that much — it was always him agonizing over you.”

“So what are you trying to say?”

Chaekyung bristled — naturally uncomfortable at the mention of Junheon.

After his death, remembering that she dated him not out of passionate love, but because he was comfortable and suitable — it felt disgustingly shallow.

He was neither especially loved nor disliked — just a “good enough” boyfriend, and she couldn’t deny it.

“You finally met someone you’re interested in. It just happens to be someone who looks exactly like Junheon…”

“Interested?”

“Chaekyung, that’s something to congratulate you for… Why do you look like that?”

Why do I look like that, indeed…

Even thinking it to herself, she knew Yuna was right.

Is my guilt turning into interest?

She didn’t know if what she felt was attraction…
or obsession fueled by guilt.

The lively pub atmosphere felt strangely distant from the heaviness between them.

Both women sank deeper into their own thoughts that night.

“Assistant Manager Min, hurry up and eat this.”

“I’ll come as soon as I finish this copy.”

Wookyung called out to Chaekyung, who was still working instead of eating.

Director Chae, one of the executives, had been severely disciplined by Kangwoo after underestimating him, and now walked on eggshells.
This time too, he tried to use the Strategic Planning Team to slip out of trouble — leaving behind offerings like snacks.

“Coffee, macarons, cookies, mini sandwiches… Vice President really spoils us. Eat first, then work.”

“Yes, just a minute.”

Anyone could tell it was a bribe.

Chaekyung grabbed tongs at Wookyung’s urging, but there weren’t enough. She frowned.

“Always missing when I need one…”

She rushed to finish the copies first, but the printer beeped loudly.
She opened the tray — empty.

“Out again.”

A4 paper ran out nearly every day with how busy the Strategic Planning Team was — external projects with Kangwoo, endless paperwork, post-its, files, everything vanished fast.

Feeling rushed by Wookyung, she headed to the supply room.

Normally, employees had to log every item they took, but Kangwoo called that inefficient and created a supply room just for his team.

Chaekyung squeezed into the cluttered room, full of newly delivered stationery stacked everywhere.

Boxes of printer paper were piled as high as her head.
She pushed those aside for later and went looking for extra tongs first.

Of course, the box she needed was barely fingertip height above her.
She went on tiptoe and nudged it, just enough to brush it — and several boxes tumbled down.

“Ah!”

She picked up the fallen box — and noticed a ladder shoved in a corner.

“There was a ladder? Ugh, I’m such an idiot.”

She dragged it next to the towering paper stacks and lifted a box.

But the weight threw her off balance — the ladder wobbled.

“Whoa—”

She shut her eyes tight — but nothing happened.

A steady grip held the ladder and her weight in place.

She opened her eyes — Kangwoo stood below.

“Why are you doing this yourself?”

His words were flat, his tone indifferent.
Looking down at him from the ladder, reality slipped for a second — she was always tense around him, but this time her thoughts spilled out honestly.

“Everyone’s busy.”

Her whole weight leaned onto his shoulder as he held her steady.
He was gripping the ladder too — leaving her stuck between Kangwoo and the ladder, unable to climb down.

“Move, please. I can’t get off.”

Kangwoo loosened his grip slightly — the ladder wobbled again and she clutched the box, eyes squeezed shut.

“Want me to move this way?”

“……”

He held out a hand, waiting calmly as she hesitated.
His brow furrowed when she kept stalling.

Finally she pushed the box toward him.

With one arm still holding the ladder, Kangwoo wrapped his other arm around her waist and lifted her down.

“Ah…”

She tightened her hold on the box instinctively until her feet touched the floor.

Even with her weight and the heavy paper, he lowered her easily — his build felt even larger.

“You’re a handful. Make the male staff do this stuff.”

Still holding her, Kangwoo looked down at her.
Remembering what happened in the break room, she tried to pull away.

But he didn’t let go — instead he grabbed the paper box from her and set it on top of the pile.

“Everyone’s busy. I feel bad asking for help over little things.”

“But you don’t feel bad asking me, huh?”

“Did I ask you for anything?”

“I don’t mind… actually, I’m glad…”

“What are you talking about?”

Her face flushed — and then a small noise came from the door, which swung open.