Chapter 13
Evan watched me getting ready to go out from early in the morning, his lips twitching as if he wanted to say something, but he never actually spoke. He could have casually asked where I was going, yet he didn’t ask a single question.
Well, he’s always been indifferent.
The boy’s character was originally that of someone who had no interest in what his wife did.
“Evan, what are you doing today?”
Even so, I wasn’t the type who could stand side by side in front of the wardrobe and pretend we were strangers.
“You’ve been at the library all this time—are you going there again today?”
No matter what I asked, I knew he would answer calmly, so I didn’t feel any burden in speaking first.
“I’m going to see the knight commander.”
“Huh?”
“I’ll be going to the training grounds starting tomorrow.”
I thought people usually didn’t go to the training grounds until they were at least fifteen.
“Already?”
“I just… like swords.”
“Really?”
Hearing that indifferent boy say he “liked” something, it seemed he truly did. He always cleaned his dessert plate spotless every morning, yet when asked if he liked sweets, he would always shake his head.
“I didn’t know. Then shouldn’t you try to make a good impression on the knight commander?”
“What…?”
“Then wear something more proper. How about this vest?”
I pulled out a gray vest from the wardrobe and smiled.
[Choosing clothes for someone going to an important meeting.]
Being kind to Evan was incredibly easy. It was like starting the game with the answer sheet already in hand.
He would grow up indifferent to his wife anyway, but in these brief moments, it was fun to treat him well. At first, I was gentle because he carried himself as someone who clearly knew he wasn’t loved, and that made him pitiful. Lately, though, the way he showed expressions that were simply “not unpleasant” had become adorable.
When I saw him silently pick up the vest I had chosen, I smiled to myself in satisfaction.
So cute…
After getting myself suitably dressed, I left the ducal residence. Two escort knights and a maid, Lisa, followed me into the city.
Well, it wouldn’t make sense for me to go out alone anyway.
I knew full well that what they called “attending” me was really surveillance.
I wandered around dress shops, toy stores, stationery shops, and jewelry stores, asking questions here and there, but buying nothing. By the time even Lisa and the guards were getting bored and tired, the place I headed to was the most famous dessert shop.
Their ganache was so popular that customers were limited to one per person. Even so, the line was so long that we were told we’d have to wait at least an hour.
“Evan eats sweets really well, so let’s buy these for him.”
I said as I took my place at the end of the line.
“It’s one per person, so everyone needs to get one. Got it?”
“Should we say you’re the young mistress of House Icarde? We might not have to wait in line then.”
“If we skip the line, we’ll get cursed at instead. I don’t want to drag the ducal family’s name through gossip for something like this.”
Lisa scratched her chin regretfully, but couldn’t argue with my noble decision.
After we had been waiting for about twenty minutes—
“Cough—cough!”
I hurriedly raised a handkerchief to my mouth as I began coughing.
Lisa, who knew well that I occasionally coughed up blood, rushed to support me.
“Young madam! Are you all right?”
“Cough, cough! Cough! I-I’m f-fine…!”
Clutching Lisa’s arm, I struggled for breath.
“I—I need… the restroom…”
“I’ll go with you!”
“N-no! Cough, cough! Even if I don’t get one… cough! You have to get three.”
Lisa stomped her feet in panic, but I shot a fierce glare at the guards as well.
“I’ll go to the restroom. You must get them.”
“But—”
“If only Evan eats it, I won’t eat any. We need at least three—me, Evan, and Father. We’re going to have tea together.”
I stopped coughing and spoke in a perfectly logical, measured tone.
“If even one person is missing, that person ruins our tea time. Do you still want one of us to go with me?”
“Th-that is…”
“If our tea time is ruined, the family relationship that improved a little after the horse-racing event will be ruined too. And you know, in human relationships, the second time is more important than the first.”
“Um…”
“Then we’ll gradually grow distant and awkward, and the relationship between Evan and me as husband and wife will drift apart,”
“Ah…”
“Then there’ll be no heir, and eventually the line will end. The history of Icarde will be cut off.”
“……”
“And all of that happens because you followed me to the restroom and couldn’t buy the ganache.”
“Th-that…”
“Cough! Cooough! Cough cough!”
The two guards and Lisa exchanged glances and sighed.
“Cough! I-I’ll go to the restroom and wait up ahead, so… cough! We’ll meet there…”
I vaguely pointed toward the crowded back of the line and quickly slipped away.
Once I was completely out of their sight, I darted into an alley and scanned my surroundings. It was time to make my real escape, and there was a suitable place nearby to help me with the rest.
No proper signboard, an ominous horse statue in front, a dark café… ah, there it is!
I found the place without much wandering.
I boldly pushed open the door.
“Who’s there?”
There were no customers—only an old man slumped over a rickety table, dozing, who asked grumpily.
“I’m here to see Sven Bestian.”
I lifted the newspaper lying on the table. On the front page was the headline: “Black Horse Syndrome — Who Is the Star of the Shocking Odds?” along with side-profile photos of two people.
Pointing at my own face in the paper, smiling innocently, I leaned closer.
“Tell him this is me. He’ll say to meet me immediately.”
The old man jumped up at once and headed into the kitchen, then soon politely guided me inside.
Evan was having a private meeting with Knight Commander Ludva di Carto.
The Icarde knight order had two uniform designs: black and blue. However, the blue uniform was overwhelmingly ugly, so every knight except Ludva wore black.
Because he alone wore the blue uniform, he was known as “Ludva of the Blue Uniform.”
With brown hair and black eyes, he had long served as vice-commander of the Icarde knights, and while Evan was at the academy, he rose to become commander.
After he became commander, the blue uniform made him stand out even more in a crowd—and as a result, no one else wore it at all.
“I see. You wish to begin sword training immediately starting tomorrow.”
Ludva’s black eyes calmly examined Evan.
“That’s right. You’ll need to work very hard, young master.”
Evan’s brow creased slightly.
He had placed first in a junior swordsmanship competition. Of course he would train hard, but that wasn’t a word his future subordinate—the commander of House Icarde’s knights—should toss around so carelessly.
Just as Evan was about to reply, Ludva continued in a flat voice.
“After all, the lady died because of you.”
Evan froze.
“And the duke became truly unhappy. The atmosphere of the ducal residence fell apart.”
He knew people whispered those things behind his back, but this was the first time he had heard it said outright.
“It’s all because of you.”
Evan suddenly felt short of breath. His chest tightened.
“You know that, don’t you?”
When he thought of his mother, Matilda, who died giving birth to him, his body stiffened.
He had heard that when Matilda was the duchess, the atmosphere of the residence was completely different from now. She was said to be warm, like sunshine in spring. Just talking to her a few times would lift anyone’s spirits.
The Duke of Icarde—and everyone in the residence—had loved her deeply.
But after she died, everything changed. The residence sank into darkness, and the duke began obsessing over power like a madman. He didn’t look happy, of course. He hadn’t originally been someone who clung to wealth and authority so desperately.
Growing up neglected by the duke, Evan had heard servants whispering such things since childhood. Then he was sent to the academy. That was more than enough to infer what his existence meant to both the estate and the duke.
Ludva continued.
“That’s why you must never allow yourself to be happy.”
Evan’s hand, which had unconsciously been about to touch the gray vest, paused.
“You made the duke this lonely.”
When Laria had chosen his clothes earlier… he had actually felt a little happy.
Thinking of the duke having to choose his clothes alone, guilt suddenly washed over him.
“There’s nothing better than swordsmanship for clearing stray thoughts and tempering the body. From now on, you’ll come before breakfast and stay with me until evening.”
Having breakfast with Laria was nice, but…
Thinking again of the duke eating breakfast alone every day since his birth, Evan slowly nodded.
“…Understood.”
Evan liked swordsmanship, but not enough to do it all day. Still, he had no choice but to answer that way. No matter how mature he looked, he was only thirteen.
No one had ever told him outright that the ducal residence had become this way because of him. He had only thought it himself, alone.
Hearing it said directly hit him brutally. For the first time in his life, someone pointed straight at his trauma, and he could only shrink.
“You need to grow up quickly and become the duke’s strength. That is your only duty.”
At Ludva’s words, Evan lowered his gaze.
“If you have any shame, you shouldn’t turn your eyes elsewhere.”
Having spent more time at the academy than at the ducal residence, Evan couldn’t bring himself to deny it. He knew it was true.
When Laria had first met him, she smiled and said, “Let’s live happily together,” and he had thought the residence might change a little.
Life with her was certainly good. But it wasn’t something he was allowed to have. Because of him, his father and mother were separated forever. If he got along well with Laria, everyone would blame him, just like Ludva did.
“You,”
Evan clenched his sword tightly.
“Must live your entire life behind the duke’s shadow—unhappy, just like him.”
