Chapter 03
I must really be unwell. The nausea says as much.
Covering my nose with my sleeve, I stepped into the master bedroom and saw Doha unfastening his watch.
âShouldnât you eat dinner? You came home early for once.â
âI ate something before I came.â
My husband glanced at me and answered curtly. I nodded with a bitter smile.
âI figured you would. I just thought Iâd ask, just in case.â
At that, Doha turned his gaze back to me.
Perhaps my unusually blunt tone caught his attention. It was different from before.
These days, he almost always ate outside. Noâcome to think of it, it had been that way for far longer. Probably since Seoha passed away.
I had asked him every day as his wife, but it had been a long time since Iâd resolved not to expect anything anymore.
Today just happened to be an early day for him, so Iâd wondered if maybe something had changed.
Of course, it was pointless hope.
I always realized that expecting nothing was easierâyet somehow I kept repeating the same disappointment. My own feelings felt ridiculous.
I resented him now. And I resented myself for loving him.
âWere you waiting for me all this time?â
Perhaps my words earlier surprised him. Doha asked, and instead of answering, I muttered,
ââŚYou probably hate this house too, right? There isnât a single place here without Seohaâs memories. I can understand that.â
But enduring this monstrous house was entirely my burden.
So many things happened here, things I never told him about. Even now, having to keep hiding them from him felt unbearably lonely.
He had always been a workaholic. After losing Seoha, he threw himself into work even more. It felt like his way of running away.
Heâd lost the only ally he had in the worldâhis motherâand the only treasure he cherishedâhis child. Now he was truly alone.
ââŚWas it hard being with me?â
We had been sleeping in separate rooms for weeks. That must have been what he thought.
I had no choice but to distance myself from him, but I never wanted him to abandon me. Ironically, that was the truth.
In fact, during times like thisâwhen being together was hardestâI might have wanted his love more than ever.
âIt is hard. ButâŚâ
It was hard, yet I didnât want to be alone. It was uncomfortable, but I never wanted to leave him.
That was why I had endured everything all alongâjust as I had since our newlywed days.
Before marriage, he had suggested we live separately, but I refused. I tried sincerely to love even his parents.
I even tried to embrace a mother-in-law who made my teeth grind with anger. That was why I hid the truth when he asked,
âIs my mother giving you a hard time?â
âNo, she treats me well. Donât worry.â
I did all of it because I loved him.
I wanted to give the perfectionist that he was a perfect family. I wanted to fill the emptiness in a man starved of affection.
But an irreversible tragedy was what came back in return.
I should never have loved him.
He tried to be a good husband, tried to treat his wife and child wellâbut still, I had always felt lonely.
Because that wasnât love.
From the beginning, Cha Doha had never loved me.
I knew it was unreciprocated love, yet I jumped in anywayâbecause I loved him that much.
Only now did I realize how foolish that had been.
All I did was love him with my entire being. I did nothing wrong.
Yet the price of loving one man was unbearably cruel.
I lost the child who was born from that love, and all that remained was grief that felt like my heart had been carved out.
Doha looked at me with troubled eyes. After saying it was hard to be together, I offered nothing more.
âAnyway, this is still the house where your family lives. Itâs hard for both of us, but⌠please take better care of it.â
I pushed my emotions aside and spoke calmly. I didnât want to beg for love anymore.
âAlright. Since coming back to Korea, Chairman Chae has been piling more work on me. Still, Iâll try.â
âI see. Work really is important to you.â
Seeing my bitter expression, he spoke again.
âAt least make sure you eat.â
âIâll take care of myself.â
Leaving behind his gazeâwhether annoyed or concerned, I couldnât tellâI walked out of the room.
The heavy thud of the door echoed like lead in my chest as I moved forward.
Then suddenly, my head spun and my legs gave out. I barely caught myself on the stair railing.
As soon as I regained my balance, I clamped a hand over my mouth.
âUghâŚâ
After steadying my breath, my eyes flew open.
My face drained of color.
âAh⌠no wayâŚâ
Two clear lines.
Even staring at them, I couldnât believe it.
Ten pregnancy test kits lay lined up. Twenty vivid red lines stared back at me.
Not a single one showed only one line.
Iâd been so out of it that Iâd forgotten my cycle.
Last nightâs nausea made me suspicious, so as soon as Doha left for work, I went to the pharmacy.
And thisâŚ
How could this happen? From just that one night.
When Seoha was alive, we tried so hard for a second child, and nothing happened.
Now, of all times.
âHah⌠what am I supposed to do? In a house like this. What if the past repeats itself?â
A deep sigh escaped me. I couldnât feel happy or sadâonly despair.
What should I do?
I donât want to leave even a shred of attachment to this house anymore. Not now.
âSeoha, what should Mom do? You wanted a little sibling so badly.â
Is this your gift to me? Did you send this to give me hope?
Ah⌠what do I do now?
My emotions were spiraling, threatening to drive me mad.
And yet, somewhere inside, my heart fluttered. Even in my dried-up heart, feelings were stirring.
Is this a blessing?
But thinking of Seoha, it felt bitter to be carrying another child of this familyâs blood.
I gently placed my hand over my still-flat stomach. Something warm seemed to rise from within.
âBaby, Iâm sorry. I canât fully rejoice yet.â
Still, this child was mine.
I decided to accept this baby as a precious gift.
âBut donât worry. Mom will protect you. No matter what.â
Knock, knock.
âMadam, how should I prepare dinner?â
Mrs. Seosan opened the door slightly to ask. Just thinking about food made my nausea spike.
âAuntie, Iâm not feeling well today. Please take care of it yourself.â
I answered without even looking toward the door.
âYes, maâam.â
I really felt awful. I hadnât eaten or even had a sip of water all day.
From downstairs, my mother-in-law Youngsukâs shouting echoed upâcomplaining that I was lying around instead of preparing dinner.
Before I married in, she used to eat out all the time.
Since starting to eat my cooking, even when she went out, she rarely ate meals elsewhere.
âIâm not family here. I matter less than the hired help.â
No one even noticed that I hadnât had a drop of water today. It had always been like thatâbut today, it felt especially cold.
Only after losing everyone who loved me did regret come crashing in, burning my chest.
Why had I lived like this?
âWhy did I endure everything like an idiot?â
I thought if I just endured, someday theyâd recognize me.
I never imagined this outcome.
âŚ
I sat in the dark room, staring blankly out the window.
I skipped dinner again, and bedtime had come.
Just like the dark room, my heart was pitch-black.
Clickâ
âWhat are you doing? Already asleep?â
My husband stepped into the room.
It was my first time facing him since the pregnancy test.
I didnât know how to face him in this situation, in this state of mind.
The child he wanted had comeâbut I couldnât tell him.
How did things end up like this?
He had once been my entire world.
I loved him so much. More than my own life.
âHyunseo.â
He approached me slowly as I stood by the window.
From behind me, his low voice followed.
âAre you⌠angry at me?â
âNo. Itâs not that.â
His arms wrapped around me gently. I flinched, feeling his breath close.
âThen why do you feel so distant lately?â
ââŚâŚâ
I couldnât say he was wrong.
âYouâŚâ
He lowered his head, burying his face in my neck, murmuring softly.
ââŚI think I need you.â
I blinked.
âMy⌠body?â
âNo⌠not exactly. Itâs not something I can explain like thatâŚâ
But I didnât want to believe him.
In his life, a wife didnât seem essentialâyet at night, he always came close.
For a time, Iâd even believed I was attractive to him as a woman.
Iâd dared to hope his feelings might be love.
But seeing how he left me alone when it mattered most, I realized how foolish that illusion was.
âThatâs just wanting my body.â
I slapped his hand away and turned around.
He fell silent, clearly taken aback. I had never rejected him like this before.
Iâd always given him both my heart and body freely.
âNo, itâs not like that. ButâŚâ
I flinched as his hand grabbed my shoulder.
His grip was strong, his body warm as always.
I could tell how much he wanted me.
But I was finally pregnant again. I couldnât risk this early on.
âDonât touch me. I just donât want to.â
For the first time, I raised my voice at him.
I forcefully removed his hand.
âIâm very tired today.â
Confusion flickered in his eyes.
A heavy silence settled over the room.
After a moment, he nodded slowly, as if forcing himself to accept it.
âOkay⌠Iâm sorry.â
Then he quietly turned and left.
As the door closed, my eyes burned.
I held my breath so he wouldnât hear me cry.
From early morning, my mother-in-lawâs voice echoed loudly from downstairs.
My father-in-law must have left early today. When he was home, she stayed quietâbut the moment he left, she ruled the house like a fox in a tigerâs absence.
Before, I could endure it.
Now, just hearing her voice drained me.
I wasnât a war heroâwhat made me think I could endure people like this?
âYour husband leaves for work and you donât even see him off. Lying around like youâre dying of some illness!â
She screamed for someone to drag me downstairs.
I forced my heavy body to move.
At least I should eat somethingâfor my baby.
Thinking of the child inside me, I gathered my strength.
But as I reached the kitchen, the smell of food made me gag.
I hurried back toward the stairsâ
When the front door suddenly burst open.
I turned around.






