TCHF 01

Chapter 01

Kirrik, kirirrik, kirrik.

A toddler’s tricycle rolled into the dark dungeon.

Pedaling energetically as it appeared was an ugly, child-sized giant teddy bear doll. It was part of the trendy “Poorly Made Bear” series that was popular among kids these days.
The roughly made bear doll, with sparkling eyes and drooping, worried-looking eyebrows, creaked as it turned its head.

Soon, a distorted mechanical voice flowed out from inside the doll.

— C-rank Hunter Jang Young-ung. You seem to be in a crisis.

Fuck. I’m not about to die and start hallucinating, am I?
Lying on the dungeon floor, Jang Young-ung rolled only his eyes to stare at the teddy bear.

He knew exactly what that thing was.

It had already been ten years since awakened individuals first appeared along with the System.
The number of awakened kept increasing, and it was now an era overrun by concept-obsessed lunatics.

Attention seekers among attention seekers.

There were harmful trolls who insisted on fighting in melee despite being mages, and there were also those whose attention-seeking tendencies manifested more “gracefully,” earning them praise as oddly beneficial concept hunters. This guy was one of the latter.

Among hunters, he was known by the nickname “Fake Jigsaw.”

The name came from the fact that, like Jigsaw from the movie Saw, he sent a doll as his proxy.
Fake Jigsaw would send that ugly teddy bear into dungeons and peddle items he personally crafted through direct transactions.

With such a bizarre concept, it wouldn’t have been strange for him to be poorly received—but thanks to his cheap prices and quality that matched his madness, he was actually quite well regarded among hunters.

When he received no response, Fake Jigsaw tilted his head.

— Already dead?

“Is this funny to you, huh?!”

Burning with anger, Jang Young-ung snapped back while still lying there.

It was true that Jang Young-ung was in trouble.

Thinking it was just a D-rank dungeon he could easily clear alone had been his fatal mistake.
He dealt with the boss monster without much difficulty, but the poison was the problem.

The poison the boss fired in its final struggle seeped into his wound, and as a result, even after clearing the dungeon, he was left unable to move.

Paralyzed and lying there uselessly, he had been waiting for the Management Bureau to find him—when Fake Jigsaw appeared.

Regardless of his situation, the teddy bear, now certain he was alive, delivered its familiar sales pitch.

— C-rank Hunter Jang Young-ung. Will you choose death? Or will you purchase this ultimate item—the one and only elixir that will restore vitality to your weary life?

As soon as it finished speaking, the doll’s soft hand unzipped its belly. It rummaged through the white stuffing and pulled out two syrup bottles that looked like something children would drink.

— An instant antidote.

“……!”

Instant antidotes could only be crafted by B-rank or higher hunters.

So the rumors were true—skill proportional to madness. How was this even possible?

To a hunter—especially one on the brink of death from poison—it was sheer insanity-level performance.

There was no way he could keep his wallet closed.

“How much…?!”

When he asked through clenched teeth, Fake Jigsaw replied as if it had been waiting.

— The “Bleh-Bleh Bitter Flavor” is 1,189,900 won. The “Sweet-Sweet Strawberry Syrup Flavor” is 1,999,900 won. A special discount for first-time customers.

The massive price difference made Jang Young-ung’s face twist.

“What’s the difference?!”

The poorly made bear tilted its head as if asking why he wouldn’t know.

Those drooping, pitiful eyebrows only made Jang Young-ung angrier.

— The Bleh-Bleh Bitter Flavor is bitter. The Sweet-Sweet Strawberry Syrup Flavor is sweet.

For a moment, Jang Young-ung reflected on how shitty life was.

No—wait. Even with this nonsense, it was still cheaper than the alternatives.
If he waited for help from the Management Bureau, the cost would definitely be several times higher.

“Give me the account number!”

— Payment is only possible via OnionPay.

OnionPay was a currency used on Onion Market, an anonymous secondhand trading platform.
Because it was tax-free, it often operated like a black market, with tax evasion and crimes occurring regularly.

“If I report you for tax evasion—”

— If you don’t need it, I’ll leave.

The tricycle began to turn around.

“Ah, alright!! Bitter flavor! Give me the bitter one!”

— Very well.

Fake Jigsaw held out a contract. Jang Young-ung popped the pen cap off with his mouth, clenched the end of the pen between his teeth, and scribbled his signature.

Fake Jigsaw took the contract and stuffed it back into its belly.

— Oh, and if you leave a five-star photo review on Onion Market, I’ll throw in a complimentary Earth Candy that increases your Strength stat by 1 for five minutes. I wish you good fortune.

With that, the toddler’s tricycle headed back out of the dungeon.

Kirrik, kirirrik, kirrik.

HunterNet Anonymous Board

[Title: Update on ‘Fake Jigsaw,’ Devoured by His Own Concept.jpg]

<Photo of a syrup bottle placed on a palm>

Business is booming.
Bought the Bleh-Bleh Bitter Flavor.

[Comments]

• Bleh-Bleh Bitter Flavor lmfaooooo

• What even is Bleh-Bleh Bitter?
  ? Extremely bitter
  “Extremely bitter” my ass 😂😂
  What rank do you think Fake Jigsaw is?
  At least B-rank crafter
  B-rank?? That’s insane
  Even after taxes that’s god-tier—unregistered maybe?
  No idea, judging by the concept he’s gone full 350 degrees crazy

• What is that thing anyway?
  Instant antidote
  How much?
  Got the bitter one with a 5% discount, around 1.1 million
  Selling that for around a million? I’m going to go get poisoned just to meet God-Saw
  Yeah right, you won’t meet him
  Just die then~~~
  Buy the strawberry flavor, it’s insanely bitter

• What’s the Awakened Crimes Task Force doing? Aren’t they cracking down on illegal trades?
  Those “great” agents are too busy drinking on tax money to work

• You think Fake Jigsaw’s a woman?
  Please be a woman please be a woman please be a woman
  What if she is—what could you even do?
  Fake Jigsaw turned out to be a hairy old dude though
  Judging by the madness level, I’d guess a 30-something virgin who wasted his youth online

• Honestly, I am super curious… what kind of person is he?

Review Section

• HunterEunjaeMom: Our guild members love it~~~^^ Thumbs up! Five stars~~~

When she pressed “Like” on the review left on Onion Market, a pop-up appeared saying OnionPay had been credited.

[50 OP earned!]

That’s quite a bit saved up. Han Geuru smiled in satisfaction while checking her OnionPay balance.

“Our Geuru, didn’t your teacher say you’re not supposed to use your phone during class? Were you using it or not?”

The Chick Class homeroom teacher looked down at the child.

“I d-didn’t…….”

Geuru put her kids’ phone into her tiny character backpack. She’d send the Earth Candy from the review bonus later.

“Alright, everyone, look this way. Let’s sing it again~ all together~”

The children joined together and began singing a nursery rhyme.
Geuru sat up straight and sang along.

Cool Tomato was Geuru’s favorite song.

“I’m gonna~ be ketchup~ I’m gonna~ dance~ Cool tomato~”

No matter how curious everyone was about Fake Jigsaw, there was an obvious reason they couldn’t find him.

The madness-driven crafting-type hunter, Fake Jigsaw—

was actually a kindergartener.

Four years old this year.
Han Geuru, a student in Saebom Kindergarten’s Chick Class, was an S-rank crafting-type awakened.