IRRY 09

Chapter 9

Cotton felt uncomfortable around Edler Negraford. There was no clear reason for it. From the first time they met, she had instinctively felt reluctant to get close to him. Still, even to her own surprise, the condition Edler was in when she saw him again after such a long time was clearly strange.

Unlike Rickton, who had deep blue hair and eyes like the dark sea at night, Edler had clear sky-blue hair and gentle eyes that reminded one of a deer. But today, though his hair was still that pale blue, his eyes were dull and hollow like those of a dead fish. His once well-kept hair looked messy and uncombed.

His build had once been balanced, if not as solid as Rickton’s, yet now he looked thin—as if he had recently recovered from an illness. And even from a distance, the strong smell of alcohol wafting from him suggested how he had been living.

“Come in if you’re coming in, or leave if you’re leaving. Why are you standing there like a pillar?”

Cotton, who had been staring at the place where Edler had disappeared, startled and quickly turned her head at the voice from inside.

“Rickton…?”

“What.”

Her small call received a reply. He wasn’t ignoring her. He wasn’t avoiding her. He wasn’t throwing her out. The tension that had tightened her body all the way here melted away like the tide receding.

“Then… excuse me.”

Forgetting her uneasy feelings, Cotton entered the office. Aberdeen greeted her politely, and she returned the greeting with a small nod.

Rickton spoke while dipping his pen heavily into the ink.

“What do you want?”

If she told him honestly that she came because she missed him when he didn’t come, how would he react? Would he frown in disgust? Would he snap at her and send her away? Either reaction would wound Cotton.

“…I couldn’t find anything that might help recover my memories.”

She told a half-lie, because she didn’t want to feel the truth herself.

“You can see it with your own eyes, can’t you? Those lunatics caused a huge mess, I haven’t even slept properly, and now I’m stuck dealing with this damn nonsense.”

Rickton spat out harsh words. Cotton blinked as she sat on the sofa. She had thought her husband was freer and rougher than other nobles, but it was the first time she had heard him swear.

Just as he said, piles of documents covered the desk, and both Aberdeen and Rickton looked exhausted, dark circles under their eyes.

“Aren’t you going to collapse at this rate? Maybe you should rest a little.”

“If it were the kind of job you could rest from, I would’ve quit a long time ago.”

Rickton growled. His eyes looked as if he wanted to burn everything in front of him. Cotton opened her mouth, but in the end she couldn’t say anything and closed it tightly. It was only a small change, yet Rickton seemed to notice and raised an eyebrow.

“What? If you’ve got something to say, say it quickly. Otherwise go back to your room.”

“Um… I just thought… maybe you could clear your head a little and take a walk outside?”

“Are you actually unable to see?”

His tone implied that losing her memory wasn’t enough—perhaps her eyesight had gone bad too. As Cotton lowered her gaze toward the floor, Aberdeen hurriedly called out.

“Your Majesty, aren’t your eyes feeling dry and strained? If this continues, you might not even be able to read the other documents properly. I believe a little rest is necessary. Please go for a walk!”

He blurted it all out in a rush, not even giving Rickton the chance to interrupt. Rickton looked at him like he had eaten something strange.

Eventually he sighed and stood up. After staying awake for several nights, even he was beginning to feel the limits of his body. Even if he couldn’t sleep, moving around might ease the suffocating tightness gripping him.

“I’ll walk for thirty minutes. You keep working.”

Aberdeen’s face brightened for a moment, only to darken at Rickton’s next words. As Rickton put on his coat and left, Cotton hurriedly stood up and followed him.

Aberdeen met her gaze and smiled brightly.

Cotton trotted after Rickton’s broad back. His legs were long, making it difficult to match his stride. As if he truly intended only to walk, Rickton kept moving along the garden path in the vast garden.

She wanted to chat with him, but just keeping up was already difficult.

Her body, which had stayed indoors all day, struggled with the pace. Eventually she caught her foot on a stone.

Her leg gave out and she stumbled.

The ground rushed toward her, but in that moment her arm and waist were caught. Cotton looked up, not even having time to scream. Rickton, holding her firmly, clicked his tongue.

“If the pace was too fast, you should’ve said something. Don’t just suffer in silence.”

“I will next time. Thank you for catching me.”

Someone else might have been offended by his tone, but Cotton smiled brightly. Even a scolding felt good when it meant attention from her husband.

Rickton gave her a moment to steady herself before starting again, this time walking slower. At this gentler pace, Cotton could look around the garden she rarely visited.

“There are definitely more kinds of flowers here than in the back garden. The fragrance is so nice I think I’ll remember it even when I go to sleep.”

“You like it that much? My nose feels like it’s rotting.”

Rickton wrinkled his nose. The expression was so vivid that Cotton chuckled softly.

She was about to suggest walking somewhere away from the flowers when Rickton suddenly stopped. She stopped beside him.

“What’s wrong?”

“Then what about that?”

Following Rickton’s gaze, she saw a white flower.

It was Cotton’s favorite flower.

Delighted, she crouched down in front of it. Hidden among the flashy flowers, it was hard to notice, so she wondered how her husband had spotted it.

“Have you seen the back garden before? There are many of these flowers planted there. The scent is gentle. Maybe because they’re small and delicate, they catch my eye.”

“That’s because it’s a wildflower.”

“You know this flower?”

“If you go outside and walk, they’re everywhere.”

He didn’t look like someone who would have any interest in plants, so Cotton found it unexpectedly surprising.

“Do you know its name too?”

“A wildflower’s just a wildflower.”

“Even weeds have names. If you know it, tell me.”

Cotton asked in a slightly pouty tone that was unlike her usual self. It was the first time they had taken a walk together in the imperial palace, and she was excited to have such a small conversation with her husband.

“…Iberis.”

Iberis.

The sound suited the flower so well that she memorized it instantly. As she repeated it softly to herself, Rickton spoke above her head.

“Do you remember anything?”

“My memories?”

The question came suddenly. Why was he bringing up her memories out of nowhere?

She looked up at him, but the sunlight behind him cast a shadow over his face.

Since memories were an important issue for both of them, Cotton stood up and answered carefully.

“Nothing comes to mind right now… Why do you ask?”

“…It’d be ridiculous if your memories came back thanks to nostalgia.”

Rickton’s expression was as blank as always, but there was something sharp in his voice.

He turned and began walking toward the palace entrance.

It hadn’t even been thirty minutes yet.

Reluctant to end the walk, Cotton called out to him.

“Rickton, let’s walk a little longer. The weather isn’t too cold or too hot—perfect for a walk.”

But Rickton’s long strides didn’t slow.

Normally she would have given up, telling herself he must be busy and quietly returning.

But today she didn’t want it to end like this.

The sunlight was warm. The fragrance carried by the breeze was sweeter than she expected. Rickton felt warmer than usual.

So Cotton grabbed the hem of his clothes.

Rickton turned and slapped her hand away.

One corner of his mouth twisted upward like his mood.

“A walk? You’re talking about a walk right now?”

His voice rose almost like a shout.

Startled, Cotton instinctively stepped back.

Her eyes widened in shock.

Rickton stepped forward, closing the distance she had retreated.

“Aren’t you the one who agreed to work on recovering your memories? Remembering is far more important for you than for me. And you’re asking to take a walk? When you should be locking yourself away and wracking your brain?”

“…Rickton.”

“If you can’t remember, then there’s no reason for you to stay here. If you’re not Renedia, then you have no reason to exist.”

His words struck her one syllable at a time—heavy and absolute.

“Whether you split your head open searching for it or bang into something and hope for luck, you’d better remember.”

Rickton left her standing frozen and walked away from the path.

Cotton clasped her trembling hands together and bit her lip.

When she finally lifted her gaze from the ground, Rickton was already gone.

The eyes of the servants cleaning nearby and the guests visiting the palace felt painfully sharp.

Cotton somehow walked back to her room in a daze and sat on the edge of the bed.

The room was unbearably quiet.

If you can’t remember, then there’s no reason for you to stay here.

His angry voice echoed endlessly in her ears.

Her vision blurred.

Tears welled up and slid down her cheeks, falling onto her clothes and forming small dark circles.

A sob escaped her throat. Cotton pulled the blanket over her hands and covered her mouth, muffling the sound.

If you’re not Renedia, then you have no reason to exist.

Did Rickton ever love me?

The worst question she never wanted to imagine took over her mind.

His voice echoed again and again, tearing her heart apart.