IRRY 03

Chapter 3

“So… the place where Rictun lives… is different?”

“Most likely… it is. Especially here… even among islands, this place is remote and underdeveloped…”

The murmuring conversation gradually became clearer within the misty space.

“Is it really that bad? I’ve only ever lived here.”

“You don’t need to know. Your memories will return little by little anyway.”

As the voices became clearer, the fog lifted, revealing the figures of two people standing atop a cliff.

“Even though you say I’ve lost my memories, Rictun… I still don’t really know.”

Cotton smiled awkwardly and changed the subject.

“You said you came from across the sea, right? Then… it must be a very faraway place?”

“…Yes. Very far.”

It must be very far away.

Hearing his slightly delayed answer, Cotton gazed out at the sea spread before her. The shimmering waves sparkled brilliantly, looking unusually clear compared to her complicated feelings. Even when she traced the seemingly endless horizon, not another island could be seen.

If he leaves, she will probably never see this man again.

“You’ll… have to go back soon, won’t you?”

Even though she tried to say it casually, her voice trembled slightly. Cotton hurriedly shut her mouth so it wouldn’t show. It felt shameless to stop someone who had somewhere to return to. They hadn’t even known each other for half a day.

And yet the man who had already settled deep within her heart—

She wanted to stop him.

The words that had risen to her throat were swallowed back down.

“I’ll help you find your memories.”

Rictun gently turned her back toward him when she deliberately turned her head away.

Their eyes met.

Within his deep navy eyes, whose depth could not be seen, she was reflected.

“Come with me.”

Cotton woke from her sleep.

The room was so dark that the brilliant scene she had just seen felt like a lie.

She closed her eyes again, hoping to return to the same dream.

But unfortunately, sleep would not come back.

Eventually, Cotton staggered up.

She walked to the window and pulled aside the curtains, letting bright sunlight pour into the room.

Rictun’s proposal had felt just like this.

As if dazzling light was pouring out from him.

It was a day she could never forget. No matter how much time passed, she knew it would never fade.

Smiling faintly at the vividly remembered past, Cotton suddenly widened her eyes.

In the distance, a carriage was circling around toward the back of the imperial palace.

It was the carriage Rictun used whenever he returned from outside engagements.

Recognizing the distinctive design and emblem, she quickly changed out of her nightwear.

Even without a maid, she could manage to put on a simple dress.

Careful not to trip while moving quickly, she descended the stairs.

At the entrance, Rictun was handing his coat to a servant as he walked in.

Perhaps sensing someone’s presence, he looked up—

Their eyes met.

Cotton smiled as if welcoming him back.

But Rictun quickly looked away.

She felt a little disappointed, but the joy she felt at seeing him was much greater.

Normally she would struggle even to see his face, but today they had looked at each other.

Wasn’t that something?

As he gave instructions and began climbing the stairs, Cotton hurried after him.

After confirming no one else was nearby, she spoke.

“Rictun, do you know what I dreamed about today? I dreamed about when we first met in Cuswell.”

“……”

“It was so vivid. I could feel the cool breeze, the scent of the sea, even the air from that day. It felt like I had returned to that moment.”

Rictun said nothing, but Cotton didn’t mind.

Smiling brightly, she continued chatting like a sparrow.

Excited from the happy dream she hadn’t had in a long time, she had completely forgotten what happened yesterday.

Her cheerful voice suddenly stopped the moment they reached Rictun’s bedroom.

“When did I say you could come in?”

Rictun frowned as he noticed Cotton’s foot stepping across the doorway.

She stopped and looked up at him cautiously.

Since when had she begun to feel afraid when her husband looked down at her like this?

“I never said you could even leave your room.”

No—

It wasn’t Rictun himself that frightened her.

It was the coldness in his gaze.

She still remembered the soft eyes that once looked at her with affection.

But now, his eyes were cold and indifferent.

There was no warmth left in them.

“Can we talk for just a moment— Ah!”

A force struck her shoulder.

Cotton stumbled as she was pushed out the door.

“How many times do I have to say it before you at least pretend to understand?”

“Didn’t I say that seeing your face disgusts me?”

“Talking to you, even breathing the same air as you— it’s filthy. It makes me sick.”

Bang.

The door slammed shut mercilessly.

Cotton flinched at the loud noise.

Her trembling lips were pressed tightly together.

The floating happiness she had felt just moments ago sank to the depths and disappeared.

Though no cold water had been poured over her, she suddenly felt chills.

It was her shoulder that had been pushed—

Yet it was her heart that hurt.

Every word felt like it was cutting her apart.

Cotton forced her unsteady breathing to stop.

After a while, her startled heart gradually calmed.

Her breathing steadied again.

Swallowing the painful ache, Cotton quietly spoke toward the door behind which her husband stood.

“I’ll come again.”

He must be tired.

There will be another chance.

Comforting herself, she headed back toward her room.

Her returning footsteps dragged heavily.

“Ugh…!”

Just as she reached her door—

She suddenly staggered and grabbed her head.

A dizzy spell struck as if the world had flipped upside down.

Her vision spun.

She waited for the dizziness to pass.

After a moment, she placed a hand against the wall and slowly continued walking.

“Tsk tsk tsk tsk.”

Hearing the relentless clicking of tongues, Cotton smiled as if she were fine.

But a scolding voice immediately followed.

“What exactly is so amusing that you’re smiling?!”

“Didn’t I tell you? You must eat properly!”

Her physician, Gote, lifted her thin arm while examining her.

“Look at this.”

Even with the slightest pressure, Cotton’s body swayed while sitting on the bed.

Gote let out a deep sigh.

“Look at this. Every time I see you, you’ve gotten thinner.”

“I think I’m eating fairly well…”

“You called me here because you felt dizzy again.”

“If you’re going to lie, at least make it believable.”

Cotton avoided Gote’s piercing gaze.

To be honest, she had many guilty thoughts.

She skipped meals waiting for her husband.

Skipped them because she didn’t feel hungry.

Even when she did eat, after two or three bites she couldn’t continue and put down the fork.

But forcing food down only made her feel sick.

What could she do?

“You were already thin for your build.”

“This isn’t something medicine can solve.”

“……”

“As I’ve told you many times, this is due to unbalanced nutrition and stress.”

“Your Majesty must take care of yourself.”

It was something she heard every time she was examined.

Stress…

Something briefly crossed her mind, but she didn’t dwell on it.

Cotton nodded and leaned halfway against the pillow.

Changing the subject quietly—

That was her way of avoiding uncomfortable conversations.

“Honestly… goodness.”

Gote sighed deeply again and began packing his medical bag.

Knowing there was no point in continuing, he pulled the bell cord beside the bed.

“You may be fine for now, but at this rate malnutrition could happen at any time.”

“I’ll inform the maid, so please eat every meal properly.”

Cotton quickly stood up.

She had assumed he was calling the maid to escort him out.

Ignoring the dizziness from standing too quickly, she grabbed Gote.

“No, please don’t say anything. I’ll eat properly.”

“Haven’t you said that every time?”

“The maid needs to know your condition in order to serve you properly.”

“I really will eat consistently this time. Please don’t tell her.”

“I just don’t want to make her worry.”

A personal maid should care about everything concerning the empress.

Not wanting to worry her?

Gote was dumbfounded.

Yet seeing the empress’s pale face, as if she had received a death sentence, he could not refuse.

Cotton sighed inwardly with relief.

If talkative Sheldy heard about it, the news might reach Rictun.

Her husband already found her annoying and disliked seeing her.

If he heard she was sick, he might think she was an even bigger burden.

“Then please eat properly until my next scheduled visit.”

“Your body and organs have already become very weak.”

The examination seemed to be ending, but Gote continued muttering complaints.

Though his scolding should have been irritating, Cotton smiled instead.

She knew she was being scolded.

But in a life filled with indifference and neglect, this kind of warm concern brought her small happiness.

“Rather than moving too much, please focus on proper nutrition first. Once you recover, then take light walks—”

Knock knock.

A knock interrupted him.

“…I will return on the next checkup day.”

“If anything happens before then, please call for me.”

Still looking unconvinced, Gote stood up and left the room.

Even as he closed the door behind him, he kept glancing back.

The empress was still waving goodbye.

Her face was full of smiles.

But Gote could not smile with her.

The empress was growing weaker day by day.

And the shadow hidden behind her gentle smile was deepening.

As her physician, he roughly understood the reason.

But the only thing he could do was take care of her health.

“Even if I offered to stay and nurse her, permission wouldn’t be granted.”

Gote clicked his tongue.

He had already reported it to the emperor many times.

But the emperor never allowed it.

So he had no choice but to leave every time.

Cursing the cold and heartless emperor under his breath, he spoke to the woman waiting outside.

“Her Majesty must not eat greasy or heavy foods right now.”

“Please increase easily digestible soups.”

“And make sure she eats every meal.”

“Understood. I’ll inform the head chef.”

“No matter how often we encourage her, Her Majesty refuses to eat.”

“But if it’s soup, she’ll probably be able to swallow it more easily.”

Watching Sheldy repeat to herself, “Easily digestible foods…,” Gote felt slightly relieved.

At least the empress’s personal maid cared for her.

That, at least, was something.