Chapter 84
✠
During up to the 16th loop, Tesilid had experienced many events.
After the “Holy Demon Sword Incident,” the Saint Mark candidates were assigned to organizations suited to their individual abilities.
Tesilid was assigned to the Chanyoung Knight Order, which primarily handled dungeon subjugation, and that was where the original story began.
The Chanyoung Knight Order was, quite simply, the worst.
The commander was an incompetent yet tyrannical leader, the vice-commander was a piece of trash consumed by inferiority complex, and the rest of the knights were gray-minded opportunists who easily changed sides.
While staying there, Tesilid died three times due to the commander’s idiotic strategies, once due to the vice-commander’s schemes, and three more times due to the mistakes, betrayals, and forced sacrifices of his comrades.
Only after the 8th loop did Tesilid finally come to his senses and transfer out of the knight order—but his life still remained nothing but frustration.
Until then, he could at least blame others, but then an incident occurred that was entirely his own fault.
During a mission in a village, he encountered a band of bandits.
The bandits were holding villagers hostage and threatening, “If you don’t lay down your weapons, we’ll kill them all!”
So, what did our protagonist do in that situation?
To explain it would be painful. All that needs to be said is that because of this incident, Tesilid earned the nickname “Sweet Potato Pass.”
In the next loop, he grew stronger and ignored the hostage situation, wiping out the bandits.
But it turned out that the village chief he had saved was in cahoots with the bandits, and he was lured into a trap and killed.
In the following loop, he subdued the chief and survived, but was summoned by the Holy Church and punished—demoted.
The reason? He fought the bandits while ignoring the hostages.
There were many other frustrating episodes as well.
He went to the Magic Republic as a diplomatic envoy and was captured by a deranged perverted noble lady and subjected to human experimentation.
In the kingdom, he tried to reunite with his blood-related family, thinking it would be a touching moment—but it turned into nothing but a depressing, soap-opera-like mess.
The protagonist thus lived through sixteen exhausting lives.
His sixteenth death came when he was pierced through the chest in a stormy wasteland—killed by his own younger sibling, without either of them realizing their relationship.
Immediately, the 17th life began. There was no time to reflect on the betrayals and deaths of his previous life.
He was captured the moment he reincarnated and killed again by the final black幕 (final hidden mastermind).
Slowly, terribly, painfully.
…Like a helpless insect.
The record of that unprecedented loop, which ended in just three pages, was the most chaotic of all for the protagonist.
Because right after finishing the especially grueling 16th loop, he opened his eyes again—only to be brutally murdered by an unknown assailant.
Perhaps because of that, the final paragraph of the 17th loop was especially memorable.
“As he was dragged into the abyss of darkness, he thought that the entire world hated him and wished for his death.”
No matter how hard he tried, the results always worsened. No matter how desperately he struggled, the ending inevitably led to death.
Perhaps that was the moment when the protagonist first felt true disgust toward life and the world.
<…How tragic.>
Agnes’s words were not much different from the readers’ impressions at the time.
He was a character one could only pity. Tesilid Argent.
Tap tap tap. Slice slice slice.
Vegetables were being neatly chopped under my hands.
I was currently cooking while talking with Agnes.
“Yes, he is tragic. But this tragic life continues up to the 99th loop, you know. And it only gets worse.”
<To what extent?>
“On the 3rd loop in a row, he dies after being betrayed by the woman he loved with all his heart.”
<Huh… 3 loops in a row?>
“He was that sincere. If he hadn’t known the truth, he might’ve died even more times.”
Even my voice sounded low. As expected, it wasn’t a pleasant story. Better to stop.
I poured the ingredients into the pot and stirred with a ladle. In the thick, hot cream sauce, clams, bacon, and various vegetables simmered. Soon, a delicious aroma filled the small wooden cottage.
“Is Tesilid still asleep?”
<Yes. He hasn’t opened his eyes at all. He isn’t even breathing normally, it’s worrying.>
“I should go check on him.”
I had brought Tesilid to my parents’ old cottage.
It was located on a remote mountainside, quiet and pastoral.
Most villagers had long since left, so there was no one around. It was a good place for someone with his noticeable appearance to recuperate peacefully.
It had been a good decision to ask my grandfather to maintain the house a little.
The cottage looked like a clean, beautiful family home where one could easily settle down.
Curtains and bedding were soft and fluffy, household items were neatly arranged, and the bookshelf was filled with everything from children’s books to alchemy texts.
Even a vegetable garden had been carefully tended in the yard.
It almost felt like how it must have been when my mother and father lived here together.
Creak.
I entered the bedroom quietly through the slightly open door.
“……”
A man with exquisitely refined features lay on the bed.
A face like molded plaster, shining silver hair, bright sunlight, white bedding.
Everything was so pure that it almost felt more sacred than a chapel.
“Tesilid.”
As expected, there was no response.
His chest rose and fell steadily. His breathing and pulse seemed normal, but there was no sign of waking.
Well, he had gone through more than enough hardship. It must have been a severe shock. And even if he woke up, he would just repeat a life full of despair—sleeping might be better.
I didn’t even feel like waking him.
“Alright, sleep well while I’m here.”
I turned and left the room. It seemed I would be eating alone for a while.
✠
Tesilid woke up a week later.
I had run out of things to do after making strawberry jam, basil pesto, and beet pickles from the garden harvest.
I was reading an old novel titled “Marriage First, Love Later with the Demon King and the Hero” when I heard the sound of fabric rustling.
I immediately closed the book and went to the bedroom.
Just as expected, he was sitting up in bed.
“Are you awake?”
“……”
No answer came for a long time, which made me uneasy.
I pulled a chair closer and sat beside him. When I faced him up close, I flinched slightly.
His ocean-colored eyes were utterly hollow.
“……”
“……”
Seeing his expressionless face devoid of emotion made me realize it once again.
That the protagonist of the 17th loop was in a deeply broken state.
[“The Being Who Constructs Worlds Through Words” looks grave.]
[“The Watcher of Hidden Truths” asks if he was always in such a bad state.]
[“The Watcher of Hidden Truths” replies that the original 17th loop was too short to know.]
[“The Being Who Constructs Worlds Through Words” wonders if the 18th loop was relatively normal.]
[“The Watcher of Hidden Truths” suggests that it might be a side effect of saving a person who should have originally died in the 17th loop.]
[“The Being Who Constructs Worlds Through Words” agrees that it makes sense if reincarnation has a mental reset effect.]
Is that really it?
I should assess his condition first.
“Remember, Terry? It’s me, Ailette.”
“……”
A faint focus returned to his empty eyes. He looked at me, then narrowed his gaze slightly before relaxing again.
“Terry?”
“……”
When I called him again with hope, he opened his lips slightly, closed them without a sound, then turned his gaze away sharply.
Wait, is this…?
<He’s ignoring you?>
“…Agnes felt it too.”
I tried calling his name a few more times, but he didn’t respond at all.
<His personality might’ve changed. In a bad way.>
“He’s been through a lot. I guess it’s time for him to become a bit twisted.”
<Still, he shouldn’t act like that toward you. I don’t like it.>
I immediately turned and left the room.
<Hmph, now that you’re gone he’s looking a little disappointed.>
Nice live commentary from a blind spot.
I warmed up the clam chowder I made fresh every morning. I filled a bowl generously and carried it back to the bedroom on a tray.
“Eat, Terry.”
“……”
Tesilid couldn’t take his eyes off the food, but his mouth remained shut.
“You’re not planning to starve yourself, are you?”
“……”
“You’ve only had potions for a week. You must be hungry, so eat.”
I even placed the spoon in his hand.
Only then did Tesilid, with slightly trembling fingers, lift a spoonful of soup to his mouth.
And then—
Drip.
…Tears fell.
“……”
What on earth is this situation? I was deeply confused.
But I understood one thing: the protagonist seemed seriously broken.
This wasn’t the Tesilid from the original story.
[“The Being Who Constructs Worlds Through Words” says that what finally breaks someone who has endured endless suffering isn’t greater pain, but a single piece of kindness.]
…So sometimes kindness can be destructive depending on timing.
Then how do I rebuild someone who has collapsed? I became a healer to fix him, but I don’t even have a clue how to heal something like this.
Even Agnes had no answer.
I decided to do things my own way.
“Are you okay?”
“……”
“Eat a lot. There’s plenty.”
“……”
“I’ll stay here until you finish eating.”
“……”
I gathered all my kindness and warmth, wiped his tears, and spoke to him. It didn’t matter if he didn’t respond.
Tesilid resumed eating. From that point on, I could only watch him with a solemn gaze.
<He seems psychologically very weakened.>
“I should treat him better.”
<Yes, good idea. Be kind to the weak… wait, hold on!>
“What is it?”
<M-my god.>
Agnes’s strange reaction made me tense.
<This guy… wasn’t he originally Upper Aura Expert rank?>
“Yes.”
Ah, that’s what she meant.
As a top instructor of the Holy Church, Agnes could see through others’ strength.
It seemed she had noticed Tesilid’s advancement. Through slow but steady growth, 17th-loop Tesilid had reached the highest Expert level.
Since I knew from the original story, I calmly waited for her next words.
But my expectation was wrong.
<He has no aura.>
