CESP 23

Chapter – 23

She was the one betrayed, yet her lingering feelings made her unable to hate Leo, who seemed utterly unaffected. Instead, she clung to him desperately.

Who could she blame?

She refilled her glass and downed it in one gulp, the alcohol rising to her head as she slumped forward weakly.

Eselyn’s words kept circling in her mind.

Seilia’s lips opened and closed, as if she had something to say but couldn’t.

There were so many things she wanted to say. There were also so many things she wanted to hear.

Why did he abandon me? Why did he betray me and have an affair with Princess Blair? Did he erase and forget all the time we had spent together?  

The memories of her time with Leo replayed vividly in her mind. The further back she went, the more she could recall the air, the scents, and the sensations of those moments, making the pain even sharper.

“Why am I still thinking about you? You don’t even have a shred of feeling left for me.”

Her fingers curled into a tight fist.

“You don’t love me anymore, and yet… you’re the one who betrayed me.”

Her trembling jaw tightened, and tears of heat welled up in her eyes.

Her voice, filled with resentment and lingering affection, trembled between her halting words.

“…I must be really drunk to be spouting such nonsense.”

Through her labored breaths, Leo’s angry tone cut through.

A silence, where every second felt like an hour, stretched between them.

The ticking of the clock on the wall continued at its normal pace, but for Seilia and Leo, their time had stopped.

With wavering eyes, they simply stared at each other.

Leo finally parted his dry lips to speak.

“If it was just drunken nonsense, say so now. If that’s really the case… I’ll be the first to walk away.”

Straightening his posture, Leo spoke in a strangely desolate voice.

Seilia didn’t respond. No, she didn’t want to respond. Yet if she stayed silent, it felt like he would get up and walk away.

“I am drunk, yes. But everything I just said is true.”

Her voice was clear as she answered. Leo gazed at her for a moment without speaking.

Her reddened eyes, full of emotion, seemed unfocused, but her words sounded genuine.

“So, are you saying… everything you’ve said is true?”

“Yes.”

“So, is it true that you can’t stop thinking about me?”

“…What is your intention in asking that?”

If he didn’t want to hear it, he could just ignore it. If he didn’t want to know, he could pretend he hadn’t heard. Why was he asking about my feelings for him?  

Her voice came out rough and strained.

“It’s not about intention; I’m confirming the truth. Once I hear your answer, I might have a reason for asking.”

The sound of a chair scraping against the floor echoed loudly, followed by heavy, deliberate footsteps.

Leo stopped in front of her, his dark gaze fixed on her, and pressed her for an answer.

“Seilia, answer me.”

“Yes…! I can’t stop thinking about you. Every little thing you do, every word you say, makes me overthink and overanalyze. Are you satisfied now?”

Her anger flared.

Once again, she was the one degrading herself, and he wanted to hear her admit it aloud.

Every time they met, she felt disgusted, but he always managed to push through that disgust and linger in her thoughts.

No matter how much she tried to push him away, he remained.

Suppressing her emotions as much as possible, Seilia spoke again, her tone cold.

“It’s just lingering feelings. A fleeting emotion that will pass. Ignore it, don’t think about it, don’t listen to it.”

“Fine… but before I grant your wish, there’s something I need to tell you.”

Something he needed to tell me? What could it possibly be?  

Seilia murmured as she covered her face with her hands.

Leo gently pulled her hands away and said,

“There was never a time when I didn’t have feelings for you. I’ve never stopped loving you. And I’ve never betrayed you.”

It felt like someone had struck her hard. Her eyes widened in shock.

Seilia let out a bitter laugh and said,

“Are you joking?”

“Think of it however you want. It doesn’t change the truth.”

“The last part isn’t true.”

Leo tightened his grip on her hand. He seemed slightly angry at her words.

“…You betrayed me. You had an affair with Princess Blair. You erased all the memories we shared with your own hands.”

Leo responded in a flat tone.

“I never did. I never had an affair, and I never erased you from my memories.”

“Stop pretending! Why are you denying it?”

Her voice rose, spilling out in frustration.

“Because I didn’t do it. And if there was betrayal, it was when you suddenly declared our relationship over and disappeared without a word, leaving me waiting endlessly, not knowing what had happened.”

Leo tried to maintain a cold expression, but his eyes, as they looked at her, were filled with sorrow.

It was the beginning of another endless cycle.

But this time, something about that familiar pattern seemed different.

When Seilia had previously brought up their past, Leo had always seemed genuinely clueless about it.

Back then, she had assumed he was just pretending not to know.

But now, apart from the sorrow on his face, there was no trace of deceit in Leo’s demeanor.

She didn’t know what to believe anymore.

The ring Princess Blair had handed her, claiming it was from Leo, was identical to the one he had given her when he had first proposed.

Back then, her heart had been crushed beyond recognition.

He had smiled so brightly while visiting Blair’s chambers, spending more time with her than with Seilia.

“Fine, let’s talk about this later when we’ve calmed down.”

If they kept yelling about who had wronged whom, it would only escalate into a fight. Meaningless arguments and accusations wouldn’t change anything.

Seilia looked at Leo with eyes that were reddened and watery.

“Us being angry at each other over the past… it’s just fleeting emotions. It doesn’t matter anymore, does it?”

Words she didn’t mean spilled easily from her lips, masking her true feelings. A sharp pain tore through her chest.

To hide the pounding of her heart, which felt like it was about to burst, Seilia hardened her expression even more.

But Leo’s deep green eyes caught every subtle movement, treasuring even her clumsy attempts to hide her feelings.

“Fleeting emotions?”

Leo tightened his grip on her arm and pulled her to her feet.

As Seilia glared at him, Leo murmured bitterly,

“We’ve both been wandering lost for far too long.”

Then he reached out and pulled her into a firm embrace.

The familiar scent of each other’s arms, a scent that had always brought comfort and a smile, enveloped them.

At first, Seilia stood still in his embrace, but soon, she wrapped her arms around him as well.

Burying his head in her shoulder, Leo spoke softly.

“Even if it’s just fleeting emotions, the way my heart races when I hold you like this… it must mean I feel the same as you.”

Even after their separation, every time he saw her, his feelings remained unchanged.

Leo had refused to acknowledge it, but he had felt it when she accidentally touched his hair while he was asleep. He had felt it again when he saw her with Eselyn.

And yesterday, it had become undeniable.

When she had leaned over him, his pupils had trembled, just as they had when they first met two years ago.

“So do I.”

The moment Seilia’s answer reached him, Leo was overwhelmed by uncontrollable emotions.

She reached out and caressed his cold cheek.

She hadn’t expected to be this close to him again, to touch him or see him looking at her like this.

But suddenly, the image of Blair caressing Leo’s cheek intruded on her thoughts.

No matter how hard she tried to think of something else, the thought persisted, and her gaze wavered as she looked at Leo.

Her trembling hand, which had been touching his cheek, began to falter.

Leo, noticing her hesitation, barely held onto his composure.

It wasn’t certain yet.

He gently lowered her hand from his cheek.

Seilia didn’t resist.

“I want to kiss you right now, but I’ll wait until your feelings are clear.”

He didn’t want to shake her resolve any further.

After a year of not seeing her face, he was finally able to look at her again.

But he wanted to kiss her only when her feelings were certain.

He made up his mind.

“I won’t come to you first anymore. When you’ve made up your mind, come to me. I’ll be waiting, no matter how long it takes.”

***

That day onward, Seilia and Leo no longer crossed paths.

They ate their meals separately in their own rooms, and even if they happened to encounter each other in the Imperial City, they either turned away or passed by without so much as meeting each other’s gaze.

Dozens of times a day, Seilia’s emotions became tangled, leaving her with a throbbing headache.

The door to the shared bedroom, connected to their respective chambers, was always within sight. The urge to rush over and open it drove her nearly mad.

But Seilia wanted to reach out to Leo only when her feelings were certain.

And so, she spent her agonizing days meaninglessly.

One day, after briefly meeting with other noblewomen in the Western Palace, a servant approached her, delivering a message and a pair of shoes from Revelia.

Seilia’s heart sank with worry, wondering if Revelia intended to nag her again over the matter she had left unresolved. She carefully examined the contents of the message.

[Seilia, the jewel on the shoes I wore when I rushed to the palace that day has fallen off. I wanted to take it to the skilled jeweler in the Imperial City, but they’re too busy to take any more orders. So, I’m asking if you could go in my place.]