TSESHR 01

Chapter : 01

Ten years ago. The morning I was on my way to take the college entrance exam.

On the subway, some old man yanked my hair.

“Getting all cocky and not offering your seat to an adult!”

“Aagh!”

“Oh my gosh, sir! I think the student didn’t notice because she was reading!”

“Help! Somebody help!”

Back then, I was the kid everyone was sure would get into Korea University—
as long as I didn’t mess up the exam.
As long as I didn’t mess it up.

And now, ten years later.

I’m standing on a rooftop.

Not because I’m planning to die, obviously.

“Just feels like 💩, that’s all……”

My age: twenty-nine.

Even the male classmates who went to the army have already gotten jobs.
The friends who got hired early are busy getting promoted, changing jobs, hopping around.
The restaurants where we meet once a quarter keep getting more expensive.

And I’m the only one still without a foothold, stuck in a “convert-to-full-time” internship.

A senior eleven years older than me—forever stuck as an assistant manager—started harassing me after I refused to get drinks with him one-on-one.
My evaluation score for full-time conversion is rock bottom.

Conversion is already out of the question.
I’m just hanging in there so I can at least get the intern paycheck.

…While resisting the urge to run away.

Ddirong. (notification)

[Mom: I left stew at home, eat after work.]

“…How am I supposed to look Mom in the face if I get rejected again?”

It’s already been four years of my applications—sometimes interviews—falling through like clockwork.

I’ve failed so many times that Mom doesn’t say anything out loud anymore,
but I can tell she’s really, really hoping for this one.

This suit I’m wearing—she bought it because I had nothing to wear to work.

When I get home late at night, the sink is piled with bags of Mom’s medicine.
With that body, she stands 12 hours a day to feed her perfectly healthy 29-year-old daughter.

“What am I gonna do? What if I fail again?”

I exhaled and looked up.

If someone had come up to me in high school and spoiled my future—
“You’ll end up living like this”—
I would’ve laughed in their face.

Where did it start going wrong?

“I don’t know.”

With a sigh, I turned my gaze to the opposite building.

A massive electronic billboard dazzled against the skyscraper façade.

On Gangnam Avenue’s largest screen was an enormous face—
a handsome guy in American football gear, black paint under his eyes.

Underneath it read:

[Congratulations on 10 Years Since Jung Eun-sung’s Debut]

“Why’d he have to chase me all the way here just to torment me?”

I grumbled at the sun-bright smile.

“I’m literally hiding here so I don’t have to see you, you know?”

I glared at him.
Maybe the photo editing erased it, but the faint scar on his left cheek was nowhere to be seen.

“Still… congrats, Jung Eun-sung. You made your dream come true.”

As long as you avoid scandals, you’ll keep soaring forever.
A little scar on your cheek doesn’t dull your charm one bit.

Q. Why the sudden shift from self-pity to talking about a guy? Who is he?

A. Actor Jung Eun-sung.

He debuted at nineteen as the main vocalist of a boy group from a major agency.

They blew up instantly—became the national group—but…

Within three years:

• The leader went to prison for drugs,
• The youngest got caught in a premarital pregnancy scandal with an influencer,
• The variety-show regular assaulted a staffer while drunk at a club,
• The oldest got busted for overseas gambling,
• Another did a DUI hit-and-run,
• The only foreign member quit and fled to the US.

Jung Eun-sung survived alone, finished his contract, and switched to acting.

He was my high school classmate ten years ago—
same school, even same homeroom for a while—
but after graduation we never saw each other again…
until today.

He came to my company for a photoshoot.
Our first reunion in a decade.

“Kang Da-hye, I swear I’ll make sure you NEVER get converted! You hear me?!”

Of course it had to be right when my manager was screaming at me, spewing curses.

I was bowing and apologizing like crazy, mortified in front of everyone—
and that’s exactly when Jung Eun-sung walked in and our eyes met.

“…He definitely recognized me, right?”

Obviously.

Just look at the expression he made.
No way that was a “Who’s that?” face.

Still, I guess he had the sense not to say anything in public.

A puff of white breath dissolved in the air as I laughed bitterly.

I looked back up at the anniversary ad.

“You haven’t changed since high school.”

High school.

Looking back, that was the most hopeful time of my life.

Difficult, but I believed—without a single doubt—that a bright future lay ahead.

Meanwhile, the me now…

“Is failing spectacularly.”

I don’t want to live like this, but I can’t see a way out.
My chest is always tight.
Thinking about the future strangles me.

When I lie down at night, the thought comes again:

What if I hadn’t gotten on that subway the day of the exam?

I know it’s ridiculous to still blame the exam after ten years.

I know messing up the exam doesn’t ruin your whole life.

But still, I want to say everything went crooked from that day.

I tried to retake the exam on my own, but a car accident ruined the next year too.
After that, everything I did kept going wrong.

A few years ago, Mom’s shop failed because of COVID.

Nothing worked.

As if someone twisted the threads of my fate.

For ten years straight.

Plenty of time to transform a fiery, ambitious teenage girl
into a depressed, dreamless unemployed woman in her twenties.

“Sigh.”

My eyes warmed; I rubbed them with my palm.

Don’t cry.

Cry here and you’re a total loser.

“I don’t want to live.”

Meaning—I don’t want to live like this.

As I lowered my hand and turned away to leave—

Someone came in through the rooftop door.

Our eyes met.

It was Jung Eun-sung.

Maybe he heard me talking to myself.
His face was stiff with concern.

I startled and stepped back—

“…Huh?”

My body, worn down since 7:30 AM without food, swayed.

“Kang Da-hye?”

“Uh…? Uh, uh…? Uh!”

“KANG DA-HYE!!!!!”

I fell from the rooftop.

And then—I regressed.